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J LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. S 

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J [SMITHSONIAN DEPOSIT ] 

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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. || 



AUTO-BIOGKAPHY 



O $ 



J 

JONAS ABRAHAM DAVIS, 



CONVERT 



FROM 



JUDAISM TO CHRISTIANITY. 



I obtained mercy, because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.— Paul 
By the grace of God I am what I am.— Paul. 



KNOXVILLE, TENJST., 

PRINTED AT THE REGISTER OFFICE, 



1850, 



Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1850, 
By Jonas Abraham Davis, 
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the Eastern District 
of Tennessee. 



| 



TO THH 



Rev. JOHN PEACOCK, 

PASTOR OF SPENCER PLACE, BAPTIST CHAPEL, COS WELL STREET 
ROAD, LONDON. 

Sir, 

Your Pastoral Letter to me dated London. April, 1850, arrived in time 
to give me an opportunity of adding to the many pleasing reminiscences to 
the time when I met in membership and communion with the beloved 
Church over -which you have presided as Under Shepherd, with so much 
fatherly care for so many years. But never for a moment have I forgotten 
the time when you, sir, led me down into the baptismal water, and what anxiety 
of mind you manifested for my spiritual welfare, especially when you knew 
that all my earthly relations had forsaken me, for Christ's sake. You, sir, 
are somewhat acquainted with my history, and the mysterious Providence 
that attended my conversion from Judaism to Christianity. You, sir, were 
the first person that ever told me to go to my God, my Testament and the 
Throne of Grace, in prayer, for counsel. « All this have I done." And by 
the Grace of God, thus far I have held out faithful. 

In token of my very highest honor for your years, love for your continued 
' anxiet 7 ^r me, and reverence for your calling and your professed religion 
permit me to dedicate to you these humble pages. 

I am, Reverend Sir, Fraternally, 

Your Brother in Jesus Christ our Lord, 

JONAS ABRAHAM DAVIS, 



TO THE READER. 



In presenting for your consideration a history of my youth, 
and conversion to Christianity, I wish you to bear in mind 
that it is not my intention to say any thing at large with 
reference to the customs of the Jews; for all such informa- 
tion I refer you to " Frey's Jewish Intelligencer." I wish 
you also to bear in mind that I have drawn the picture of 
my early days, the days of boyhood, for your inspection. 
Consequently I have endeavored to simplify all my ideas to 
the capacity of the rising generation. 

The probability is in favor of this little work becoming 
the favorite of children at home, and also in the precious Sab- 
bath School. O! that it may prove to be subservient to the 
will of God. I am aware, however, that I am subjecting 
myself to wholesale criticism. For, in fact, those who love 
to doubt, will doubt. Skeptics in both moral and religious 
habiliments, will be very apt to doubt the relation of some 
facts that I have mentioned, particularly those in reference 
to the Lord's care over me. I do not, however, blame such 
people for professing their ignorance of such things, but be- 
cause they, being ignorant, pretend to judge others. How 
true is it that the natural man knoweth not the things of 
the Spirit, because they are not Spiritually discerned. If 
the reader is a Christian, he will rejoice with me, and pray 
God that this feeble effort may pro\ e effectual in shaking 
the kingdom of Satan, to the glory of God in Jesus Christ 
our Lord. Amen. 



APOLOGY TO THE PUBLIC. 



The Christian's watchword is, The Jew, The Jew. All 
Christendom is enquiring, What is to become of the Jew ? 
Here and there, as sparse as angel's visits, a prayer is of- 
fered for their conversion to Christianity, while by far the 
more numerous prayers are offered for their restoration to 
J erusalem, without any reference to their ungodliness. Yet 
we find an occasional one who embraces the religion of the 
blessed Saviour, and manifests a desire to take up his cross. 
When this occurs he is impatient to give public testimony 
in favor of that religion, which above all others he once 
most solemnly hated. There are very few, however, who 
are converted but have a tale to tell of their afflictions for 
Christ's sake. The natural consequence of suffering for 
Christ's sake is, an experience of proportionate joy to buoy 
up his mind, and overbalance Ids sorrows. And the Gentile 
Christian loves to hear him tell his joys and sorrows, his 
losses and gains, his tears and smiles, his persecutions, sac- 
rifices, hair-breadth escapes and general anxieties that he 
has experienced for the cause of the blessed Jesus. He is 
impatient to extol the name of him, which but a short time 
past he hated above all others. The Church feeds on his 
discourses, for while he is talking about the Christian's race, 
the weak become strengthened, and the followers of Jesus 
bless God and take courage. They see in the conversion 
of every Jew, renewed, living evidences in favor of that re- 
ligion, upon which they are reposing all their hope for sal- 
vation. Inquisitiveness is an exercise of the human mind. 
Hence, as soon as it is ascertained that a Jew is to preach 
Christ, all who reside in the place, as well as in the regions 



S APOLOGY TO THE PUBLIC. 

round about, are anxious to hear him, and hundreds do hear 
him who otherwise would not hear the gospel at alL 
Thus God takes a worm to thresh a mountain. And so he 
makes the " wrath of man to praise him." It is no wonder 
that the Gentile Christian Church feels encouraged when 
she hears or reads the Jew's testimony in favor of the re- 
ligion of Jesus. Fall well does she know with what im- 
placable hatred the Jew denounces the blessed Saviour. 
Still, she pities him, and prays for the lopped off branch, 
knowing that in the restoration of each converted Jew there 
is an additional, ten-fold evidence in favor of Christianity. 
It always rejoices the child of grace to see numbers flocking 
round the blood stained banner of Emanuel; but when the 
mighty fall, and the enemies' ranks become thinned, he still 
more rejoices at the prospect of enlarging the conqueror's 
kingdom. It is now nearly nineteen years since I openly 
espoused the cause of Christ. During the whole of the time 
an enquiry has ever rested upon my mind as to what I can 
contribute for the welfare of the Redeemer's kingdom? 
The answer has been, " Preach my Gospel." In obedience 
to this cali, I commenced my labor of love while on my way 
from England to this country in 1832, on board the sailing 
ship " Calista," and have preached the gospel to thousands 
both in the United States and in Canada. I have ever found 
the professed followers of Jesus of every denomination, to 
be of one mind with reference to the novelty of a Jew's 
conversion to Christianity. All wish to know by what 
means he was led to espouse the cause of the once hated but 
now blessed Jesus. Whenever I have told what God has 
done for my soul, I have invariably been beset on all hands 
for the printed copy of my experience. I have ever shrunk 
from complying with their requests until now. I am re- 
solved to publish my auto-biography, thus far on my profit- 
less journey. O! that this resolution may be blessed of God ? 
and be made to redound to his own glory. 



TO MY JEWISH BRETHEEI. 



Dear Brethren : — We have been from our infancy taught 
to expect the Messiah. And full well do you know that 
your long! long! expected Messiah has (according to your 
own reckoning) never yet appeared. Although all your 
protracted periods have successively passed by. Yet with 
one consent you reject Jesus of Nazarath, for no other rea- 
son than because our father's did so before us. Your Rab- 
bins are conscious that they can not much longer deceive 
you ; so as a drowning man grasps at a straw, they think 
to keep you in longer ignorance by expunging from your 
sacred books all your most prominent prophecies, which re- 
late to the Messiah. But the time has already arrived for 
truth to prevail over the earth. And even yourselves (al- 
most universally) begin to feel the force of it. Your Rab- 
bins have tried in vain to reconcile different characters, of 
renowned men with your sacred prophecies, still stubbornly 
rejecting the blessed and true Saviour. How long O ! Lord, 
how long ? And how long will it be O ! Israel, before your 
long expected Messiah will come? Who shall give you 
any information ? Can your Rabbins ? No. For they 
have signally failed. They who should be your leaders 
prove to be blind. They err not knowing the Scripture. 
Then let the word of the living God speak to you by the 
Prophets. See if either of your pretended great ones an- 
swers to the character which they give of the Messiah, 
When you fail in this effort, be frank to acknowledge it, and 
as a last resort appeal to the character of Jesus Christ. 
What have your leaders been doing for nearly 2000 years 
to extricate you from your religious embarrassment. They 



10 TO MY JEWISH BRETHREN* 

have given you high sounding words founded upon the au- 
thority of the ''Gamarah," &c, &c, at the same time they 
are teaching you to despise the rock of your salvation. Your 
Rabbins, dear brethren, can not help you. Themselves are 
similarly diseased and Well may you say to them, "Physi- 
cians heal yourselves." Let Moses and the Prophets speak 
to yon, hear them, and God will bless you. He has said, 
and he will perform. He never said to the seed of Jacob, 
"seek ye me," in vain. Do not spurn me, dear brethren, be- 
cause I am a "Meshamot."* I have not forsaken my God 
as you suppose. I believe in but one God, and Jesus in 
whom dwelt the fulness of the Godhead bodily, the great 
mediator between God and men. Let me with tears ex- 
hort you to be patient and read this little work with chari- 
ty, and may Jehovah be with you. Dear reader, whether 
Jew or Gentile, receive I beg of you the word that is spo- 
ken for your good. I live for your good. I preach for your 
good. I write this for your good — your eternal good. O 
do not harden your heart against all truth. Do not reject 
the counsel of God against yourself. Remember, I pray 
you that "it is appointed unto you once to die, and after that 
the judgment." Are you ready. I pray that the "Ruach 
Akodash"f may direct you in God's paths. Amen. 

JONAS ABRAHAM DAVIS 

* Meshamot. — An approbriou-s name with which the Jews denounce o&e 
of their number who is converted to Christianity, 
f Ruach Akodash. — Holy Spirit. 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 



I was born of Jewish parents in the city of London, Eng- 
land, which was the land of my father's nativity. My 
grandfather on my father's side was a German, and if my 
recollection serves me of what I was taught of my great- 
grand-father, he was a Polander. He was indeed a very 
remarkable man. He was a rigid Jew and an inveterate 
enemy of Christianity, but a learned Rabbi. He was an 
upright man. He lived a Pharisee and died in his 112th 
year, lamented by his nation. During his whole life he had 
neither shears on his head or razor on his beard, and 
while he was in full possession of all his faculties, death 
seized him, so he appeared before the God of Abraham. 
When he was about 100 years old, the London Jews (as I 
was taught.) determined that he should be their "Raaf " or 
Chief Rabbi. The answer with which he refused is well 
worthy of note. "I have sins enough of my own, (said he) 
to answer for, without taking upon myself the sins of my 
people." Consistant as he was in many things, yet alas ! he 
hated Jesus. His death strengthened the mountain of ani- 
mosity against the Lord's ^annointed in his posterity. But 
thanks to his name, the Great Jehovah has selected me from 
among them, and made me a living monument of his signal 
converting grace. 

The year ] 8 12 gave me birth, from which time up to the 
present I have been a child of affliction. When I was 
about 4 years old, I had several narrow escapes from death. 
I was first afflicted with a severe attack of the scarlot fe- 
ver, and when but partially recovered, I relapsed. After a 
most lingering sickness, I at length left my bed, but com- 



1$ AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

pletely deaf. Fever-sores formed all over my body, the 
glands of my ears were ulcerated, which have since but 
partially healed, finding me now in my 38th year of age with 
but imperfect hearing. ; Continued and aggravating sick- 
nesses still preyed upon my feeble frame until I have been 
almost past recovery. It was while this state of things con- 
tinued that my parents resorted to the last effort, which was 
to secure the Blessing of the "Raaf," and add to my name 
that of some one Bible Saint. I was accordingly carried to 
the Synagogue and received the blessing, and also the name 
"Abraham" was added to my original name, which now en- 
titled me to the appellation of Jonah or Jonas (a Dove,) 
Abraham (father of many nations,) Davis, a corruption of 
David, (annointed.) In the providence of God my strength 
returned. But I was still deaf. So Abraham was extolled 
for my renewed strength, but the Doctor was blamed for 
my deafness. 

A very short time after my recovery I met with an acci- 
dent which had well nigh proved fatal. One day while I 
was playing with my elder brother, we proposed to 
swing when I fell and broke both my arms. This accident 
laid me low again for a very long time. At length I got 
better. Nothing of any consequence transpired to disturb 
my tranquil it} 7- after this event, until the time arrived when 
it pleased my Heavenly Father to deprive me of my moth- 
er. Well do I remember climbing up on my lovely 
mother's knee I Vivid in my recollection, is that pale 
countenance which gazed at me with tears streaming ! 
Tangible to my perceptions is that hug which pressed me to 
her bosom ! Yes, even now, that I am a man with a fami- 
ly around me, "this day, April 4th s 1850, just 38 years old, 
I remember iier last hug — her last kiss— her last piece of 
cake which ihe, gave me, as she took her leave of us all for 
a journey to Manchester, for the benefit of her health. I 
well remember seeing how tardily she stepped toward the 
parlor door, to which she had scarcely arrived, when sh§ 



AUTO -BIOGRAPHY. 13 

turned back to me, to the window bench whereon I was 
playing with my piece of cake, Kissed me again and again. 
"Be a good child," said she, "mother will soon come back 
again." I saw her and my father get into the coach, and 
drive off. Bat she did not soon come back again. I never 
saw her more. She died in Manchester about three weeks 
after she arrived there. She made but one dying request of 
my father which was " Take care of Jonas." She left five 
children, myself being the youngest. In a few days my fa- 
ther returned without my mother. It was only then that I 
began to realize that my mother was dead. 

This Providential stroke was enough for me. I was now 
without a mother, and not more than six or seven years old 
and withal exceedingly puny. She died in the Jewish faith, 
in the rejection of the Messiah. Revered be her name for 
her virtues and fidelity, and if my holy religion permitted me 
to offer to Almighty God but one prayer during the course 
of my life-time, it should be "God save my dead mother." 
Yet alas ! There is no repentance in the grave. 

My aged grandmother iioW took charge of the family 
which consisted of my dear father two brothers and two 
sisters all older than myself. 

A few weeks after my mother died I met with another 
accident which had well nigh cost me my life. There was 
a large bathing tub in the kitchen cellar which had been 
used the day before by one of my brothers, and left standing 
nearly full of water. Whiie I Was walking near it I spied 
a piece of bread floating on the water. My curiosity was 
excited to obtain it and while endeavoring to do so the chair 
upon which I stood slipped and falling in I should in all prob- 
ability have been drowned but for the timely help of my in- 
firm grandmother, who hearing a very unusual noise below, 
came down as speedily as she could and dragged me out, 
half dead. In the moment of excitement she tore off my wet 
clothes, which being cleverly done she gave me a sound 
drubbing before I had sufficiently recovered to know wheth- 



14 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

er I was dead or alive. The whipping, however, was of 
some service to me as it contributed to my recovery, and 
kept me from going to the bathing tub ever after. 

Thus far God was my preserver but I knew it not. He 
was even then overruling my life for future use. He saved 
me from the plague. He preserved me from danger. Yes, 
O Lord, 

g "When in the slippery paths of youth 

With heedless steps I ran, 
Thine arm unseen conveyed me safe 
And led me up to man." 

Abo at ten months after my mother's death my father mar- 
ried a Jewish lady who was proverbial for her beauty. She 
was then in her 30th year while my oldest sister was in her 
29th. 

A new feature was now visible on the whole family. A 
misty gloom overspread all countenances, and my infirm 
grand-parent reluctantly resigned the government of the 
family to her, to whom of right it belonged, and retired to 
her own private room, which in consequence of infirmity, 
she kept from that time until she died. But we will speak of 
her in its proper place. It was either just before or after 
my father's re-marriage that my oldest brother died in St. 
Domingo, leaving now but four of us. 

In consequence of the inexperience of my step-mother and 
the infirmities of my grandmother, I was led to feel more 
keenly than ever the loss of my mother. Neither my sisters 
or brother suffered as I did, they were not afflicted and could 
help themselves. Besides, they soon launched out into the 
gay world more largely than ever, my father and step-moth- 
er leading the way. The result was that I was soon cast 
aside, and entirely neglected. 

Thus rolled on this state of things, until my father resort- 
ed to the only existing remedy, which was to send me to 
boarding-school. Preparations were immediately made for 
my speedy disposal, which was carried into effect when I 
wm about 8 years old by sending me to school about 10 



AUTO- BIOGRAPHY IQ 

miles from town. This school was a Jewish Academy kept 
by Rabbi Mosha Eleazer Solomon, who was assisted by his 
two sons, Zalmor and Shemuile. It was situated in Brixton 
within sight of the treadmill. It was the best Jewish school 
that England could afford, but if I had been sentenced to 8 
or 9 years to the Brixton treadmill instead of the Brixton 
Academy, I could not haye learned less literature or more 
profanity. My preceptors though learned men were wretch- 
ed teachers. Licentious in their lives, and openly profane 
in the presence of the pupils. But like the priest so the peo- 
pie, and with common consent it was pronounced " very 
good." 

It was at this school that 1 first learned how to hate the 
blessed Saviour. To learn that, constituted a very promi- 
nent feature in my early education. And, indeed, I made 
greater advancements in that part of instruction than in 
anything else. As my father determined to give me noth- 
ing more than a good business education, I commenced in- 
struction with Hebrew and English. 

Few persons are aware of the great disadvantage under 
Which an English Jewish boy labors. Prejudice deters him 
from receiving benefit from Christian schools, (which are 
generally good,) consequently he must spend a fortune up- 
on Jewish bigotry, and learn nothing but Jewish fables at 
last. This was true of myself. One-fourth of what my 
father paid for me to that institution would in either of the 
New England States of America, afford a complete colle* 
giate course. 

No instruction is imparted to the youthful Jewish tyro 
unless it is blended with something prejudicial to the char* 
acter of Christ. In a Jewish school every body hates Jesus? 
of Nazareth, and the Jewish child hears a thousand things 
derogatory to Christians and the Christians God. The Rab* 
bins are the only criterion for the ten thousand fables with 
which his youthful mind is crowded. It is not at all un- 
common to see a number of Jewish boys together amusing 



16 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

each other with some story, that they somewhere heard 
that somebody had told, somewhere about the Christians. 
While each boy tries to shoot higher than his fellow there is 
many a boyish tale told, founded upon Rabinical infalli- 
bility and received for granted. 

The Indian idea of the earth's gravitation is not more ab- 
surd than the Jews idea of the division of the human fami- 
ly. When an East Indian w^as asked why the world don't 
fall? he replied, "because it stands on the back of a large 
Elephant." When he was asked what the Elephant stands 
on ? he replied, "on a large Turtle." And when he was 
asked what the Turtle stands on? he answered, "mud." 
So I was early taught that the world is divided between 
Jews and Christians. That whoever is not of the blood re- 
lation of Abraham is a Christian, and unless he submits to 
the rite of circumcision and observes the law of Moses he 
can not be saved. The Jew makes no difference between 
the Christian and the Heathen. It is enough for him that 
you are not a Jew. This alone in his estimation will result 
in the loss of your soul. Yet in all my life I never knew 
sympathy, expressed or manifested, by a Jew toward a 
Christian, consequently I experienced none. I have even 
heard the London Rabbins exult at the idea of there being 
no salvation for any but Jews. In this sentiment my own 
heart participated for I knew no sympathy until my soul re- 
ceived the blessed Saviour. 

No impressions are so hard to overcome as those that have 
been brought up with us. The prejudice of education is the 
cause of nineteen twentieths of all the error in existance. 
But in such a system as this, there is not even a chance for 
the youthful mind to arrive at truth when it would. The 
Jewish boy asks who is the Christians God? he is told Jesus 
of Nazareth ! the crucified one! the impostor ! the bastard ! 
the evil angel. If he is at all disposed to be inquisitive he 
is probably amused with some Rabinical nonsense like this. 
Once upon a time our fathers had a beautiful Temple, in it 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. ]? 

there was a beautiful organ but Jesus of Nazareth stole it 
and gave it to his followers, for which crime the Jews 
caught . him and hanged him. This Jesus is the God of the 
Christians ! 

Even this ridiculous stuff is believed by some of the old 
people to this day, who, in order to show their hatred for 
every thing that they suppose is in any way connected with 
the Christians, actually stop up their ears with their fingers 
when they pass a Church on Sunday through fear that they 
should hear the organs sound. They charge the Christians 
with worshipping the cross upon which Christ was fastened. 
They spurn the idea of God having a Son, for, say they, if 
there is one relation there must be a chain of them. O! how 
glaring a fact it is that the poor blinded Jew is ignorant of 
every species of religion except that which is crowded into 
his graceless head. The Rabbins are the sole disposers of 
the people's creed, and the people believe any thing that they 
teach, and they teach nothing but what is best calculated 
to keep the people in perpetual darkness. Out of every 
twelve Jews there are eleven who are perfectly ignorant of 
their own Scripture. O! my God remove, I pray thee, the 
gross darkness from Israel. Well did the Prince of Peace 
declare that they were blind leaders of the blind. Blessed 
Lord, save them from falling together in the pit. 

It is somewhat remarkable that my people do not avail 
themselves of the benefits resulting from the improvement 
in the art of printing. They depend upon the preisthood 
for all religious information. It is indeed but little they 
want. But if a question of a religious character should by 
chance arise among them it is immediately referred to the; 
"Raaf." His decision is the law. 

A common error among Christians exists, founded upon 
the apparent zeal of my dear people, supposing, therefore, 
they stand a good chance of salvation. Yet alas ! all zeal 
is not true religion, the greater part of their zeal is spent in 
persecuting "the poor and needy man." Yet the reader won- 
C 



}8 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

tiers how it is that they can remain so ignorant in a Chris- 
tian land while so much light is shining around them. The 
difficulty at once vanishes, when we behold in them the 
truth of our Redeemer's words, "Every one that doeth evil 
hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds 
should be reproved." 

It is a matter of some astonishment after all, with what a 
skillful tact, the Jew can evade every prophetic scripture, 
that has any bearing upon the Messiah. From infancy the 
youth is taught to reject the blessed Jesus, consequently he 
imbibes an early hatred, it grows with him, it gains strength 
With him and ultimately becomes a component part of him. 
He does because his father is doing, and his father does be- 
cause the Rabbins say so. This is the position that I al- 
ways occupied in the morning of my days with reference to 
the Christian religion. This is the horrible pit out of which 
I have been plucked, and glory be to God, he has set me in 
a clean place. 

I once read of two wicked men who tried to excel each 
other in telling a falsehood. One said that he reached the 
moon by ascending a tall ladder and drove a ten-penny nail 
through it. "Well, said the other, at the same time that you 
were driving your nail through the moon I was behind and 
clinched it. And yet, no more extravagant are the refuges to 
which the Rabbins resort to evade the force of the meaning 
of those precious words that they are obliged to read. J acob 
in his dying words predicted "that the sceptre shall not de- 
part from Judah, nor a law-giver from between his feet un- 
til Shiloh come." Now every body knows that the sceptre 
has departed from Judah, and that the law-giver has passed 
from between his feet, which should be received as evidence 
that Shiloh has come. Yet a crafty priesthood can evade 
even this. Shiloh, say they, is not come, and we prove it 
by Rabbi Gerson.* Now to prove such a position as this 

*SceJ. S. C. Frey's Joseph and Benjamin. 



A UTO - B IOG R API! Y i |9 

by a man, demands that he, at least, should exercise com- 
mon sense. Yet hear ! In bis book "Gcliloth Eretz," the 
Rabbi affirms an with oath, that he will not lie in a single 
letter, but he will relate what he himself has seen. He then 
informs us that in his travels he found a river 16 miles in 
breadth, each mile 8000 feet long, or 2 4 English miles wide. 
The water of this river flows with such rapidity that the 
sound thereof is heard at a distance of two days journey. 
The river is called Sabbatyon or Sambatyon, because it 
throws up large stones as high as a house all the week 
through, yet it rests and becomes perfectly dry two hours 
before the commencement of the Sabbath, and begins again 
to run with all its fury as soon as Sabbath is ended. Be- 
yond this river, he affirms, there are many Jews as the sand 
of the sea living in great affluence and plenty. They have 
24 kings and a powerful king is over the whole. I will 
leave the reader to arrive at any just conclusion about the 
Rabbi Gerson, except that he is bound to admit that he beats 
the man that was behind the moon. 

The licentiousness of a corrupt priesthood made an ear- 
ly impression on my mind, yet nobody dare presume to 
doubt their word in matters of religion. During my days 
I never heard a Jew doubt the decision of the "Raaf," how- 
ever immoral his life may have been. Every difficult ques- 
tion is referred to his infallibility. He decides all disputes, 
levies taxes, imposes fines, pronounces penances, prays for 
the dead and usurps power over purgatory. 

It was in consequence of these existing corruptions that 
my affections were in a great measure shaken toward the 
Jewish priesthood. But nothing had so much tendency to 
shake my confidence in them as one circumstance which I 
will mention. 

I had attended my school about two and a half years, 
when I was suddenly called home, just in time to witness 
the death of my aged Grandmother, who was then in her 
95th year. In her death I experienced the loss of another 



20 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY, 

mother. She had been for some time past exceedingly fee- 
ble, yet very large, occasioned probably by the dropsy of 
which she died. During her last illness she talked incohe- 
rently, and constantly mentioned my name. She said noth_ 
ing distinctly for some time before she breathed her last but 
once. When her attendant nurse who was looking at her 
expecting every moment to see her breathe her last, pitiful- 
ly exclaimed, "poor soul, she's most gone." She for a mo- 
ment appeared to grasp at life and quickly observed, " my 
soul is not poor," and with these last words -she died. Ac- 
cording to Jewish custom the corpse was carried to the 
Charnel-house, to receive prayers before interment. After 
the ceremony of walking seven times around the dead was 
ended, the officiating priest proceeded to say "Kadesh."* 
For the proper performance of this prayer the feet must be 
close together and face toward Jerusalem, (the east.) The 
Rabbi's fee for this service is two shillings and sixpence, (un- 
less he can exact more,) Never in all my life had I felt the 
pangs of sorrow so keenly as upon this occasion. It was the 
first funeral that I had ever attended. The weeping was gen- 
eral. Solemnity was seated upon every heart, and sorrow 
upon every brow. There stood the Rabbi at the head of the 
ccffiiij my father on one side, my brother and myself on the 
other, and we gazed with awful silence while a prayer to 
God was being offered for the dead. All was solemn, when 
presently the Rabbi opened his hypocritical eyes, and seeing 
my brother standing near him, without stopping his prayer 
he reached out his left hand toward my brother and point- 
ing with his right fore finger to his left hand palm, tip, tip, 
tip, muttered the wretch, with a greedy gaze. In a moment 
my brother took the hint and offered him his fee, the which 
he no sooner saw than he snatched at it with both hands, 
and in the twinkling of an eye it was safely lodged in the 
bottom of his pocket, 



* A most solemn prayer. 



AUTO- BIOGRAPHY. 21 

I had been watching tbe Rabbi's manoeuvres up to this 
moment, and not being able any longer to retain my gravity, 
I buried my face in both my hands, and in spite of my effort 
to restrain, I was actually convulsed with laughter. The 
general impression was, however, that I was crying. My 
brother who was older was no better than myself, he too 
was convulsed with laughter. Not being able to keep^our 
feet any longer We retired to a corner of the room to have 
our laugh out. Tip, tip, tip, softly muttered my brother, 
enough was done, we laughed again immoderately. 

The company by this time noticed us, and mistaking our 
merriment for broken-hearted grief, united with us in loud 
accents of sorrow for the departed. 

When all was over and we were led to calm reflection, O! 
how we censured ourselves for our conduct, and in our 
hearts said, may our sin rest upon that half shaved priest. 
But now while I write with the love of the Lord Jesus 
Christ in my heart and in full view of his blessed Gospel, I 
pray, O! God, lay not this sin to the Rabbi's charge, and for- 
give, too, my poor deluded brother and me. This act of 
priestly cupidity lodged an impression on my mind prejudi- 
cial to the general character of the Jewish priesthood, which 
has been strengthened by late and sober reflection. 

In a few days after this circumstance I returned to my Brix- 
ton quarters. I resumed my studies with a heavy heart, 
and the recollection of the past often drew r a silent tear from 
my eye. My prejudice was excited against my preceptors 
in consequence of the conduct of the Rabbi at the funeral. 
If I had the control of myself at that time I never should 
have submitted to be instructed again by a Jew. But it 
was in vain for me to attempt to extricate myself, seeing 
that it was my father's wish for me to continue at that school. 
Weeks passed by finding me still with a heavy heart. Ev- 
ery Talmudical anecdote that my teacher would amuse us 
with, only served to increase my dislike for them, while it 



22 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

gave me pleasure ill finding weapons wherewith to perse- 
cute the Christians. 

The reader may possibly he mistaken in his anticipations of 
the weight of Rabbinical teaching which is always prejudi- 
cial to the character of Christians. While! was under their 
immediate influence, knowing only one side of the question, 
and turning a deaf ear to the other, all their arguments, "one 
sided as they are ," appeared to be of magnitude ; but since 
I, "by the grace of God," have been permitted to measure 
my ground by the glorious gospel rule, all their arguments 
flee before it as mere ephemeral shadows, and at once sink 
into an utter imperceptibility. The Christian world (as a 
general thing) are ignorant of the amount of prejudice that 
a Jew has to contend with and the difficulties he has to sur- 
mount, ere he can openly espouse the cause of Christ. 
Some of his barriers (the most insignificant) sometime ap- 
pear the most insurmountable. For instance, the Jew's 
objection to swine flesh. While I readily disposed 
of solid objections against Christianity, the poor hog, 
alone, remained in my way. This may be accounted for, 
in the deep rooted prejudice which I had imbibed against 
hogs and Christians while at school. The swine, while it 
is rejected with all other unclean animals in common, has 
been selected from among the number, and used by the pa- 
gans as an instrument of persecution against the Jew. It 
is on this account that swine flesh is particularly odious. 
So that one amongst the most solido bjections to the Chris- 
tian is that he eats swine flesh. The mention of one novel 
circumstance will serve as an illustration. 

After I had remained at school about three or four years, 
my father concluded to treat me to a summer steam boat 
excursion, for the benefit of my health. The party con- 
sisted of my father, step-mother, two sisters and my poor 
self. But when about to start, we were agreeably joined 
by a gentile lady, who was wife to one of my lather's best 
customers. Now we are fairly under way, with steam up, 



AUTO-BIOGRAniV. 23 

hearts light, and purses full, bound for Margate, for a sum- 
mers excursion, 72 miles from London across brackish 
water. After we had all suffered the sensation of deathly 
sea sickness, we safely arrived at Margate. Cessation from 
study, recreation, change of scene, change of air, and "of 
course" considerable sea sickness, all contributed to operate 
like magic upon my general health. I left my bed at sun 
rise, and bathed in the sea before breakfast. During the 
day I walked the sea shore, examining curious shells, and 
such geological and maritime substances, as the sea would 
wash ashore. Thus each day I improved my time, much to 
the benefit of my health. One day after a forenoon spent 
in walking and examining curiosities, I walked home for 
dinner, and being exceeding hungry I was rather ill hu- 
mored. At length the savory fragrance of the well prepared 
dishes, reached my olfactory, and contributed much toward 
strengthening my hope, when I saw them safely lodged on 
the table. After the ceremony of washing our hands and 
saying prayers were over, my father who was an excellent 
carver, commenced operation upon a strange looking joint, 
that was smoking before him. I looked at it exceedingly 
hard but did not suspect trickery. The preference of the 
company having been ascertained, all voted in favor of the 
stranger, and of course I followed suit. Nor did we mince 
the matter, we went to work as if we were used to it, for 
by the time we had finished operating upon him, there was 
but a very small piece left on the dish, for good manners 
sake. Dinner being over we returned thanks, in which 
are these words (when thou hast eaten and art satisfied, 
then thou shalt bless the Lord thy God, &c.) The company 
now divided, some courting Siester* and others more wisely 
an afternoon visit. While, I, like a solitary sheep, strayed 
off to the sea shore, where I amused myself with searching 
for natural curiosities. After I had been some time at this 

* An afternoon nap. 



24 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

favorite amusement, our company (who had concluded upon 
a walk for the benefit of digestion,) intruded upon my past- 
time, when the following dialogue and scene took place 
between myself and the gentile Lady. Lady. Jonas how 
did you like your dinner to-day? Myself. Very well? 
L. Did you not think that meat excellent ? I did. L. You 
ate a hearty dinner. Yes, I was very hungry. She smiled. 
My sisters tried in vain to look sober. 

Such conduct naturally excited my suspicion that all was 
not right. But what was wrong I could not tell. I knew 
that I was not poisoned. What can be the matter then ? 
In a moment more it occurred to me that it was pork. Did 
you go to market for it ? I inquired. Yes, my gentile lady 
answered. Was it pork? I alarmingly enquired. She looked 
at the family out of the corner of her eye, they chuckled, 
she forced a smile and reluctantly answered, yes. Scarcely 
however, had I time to recover my almost departed senses, 
when both my sisters, seizing me gave me a most rude shake 
and enjoined upon me for "God's sake" not to tell any body 
when we shall get back to London. The secret was dis- 
closed, and my feelings may be more easily imagined than 
described. I looked imploringly in their faces. But there 
was no help for me. Father, was silent, and pork was di- 
gesting. O ! what a dilemma I was in. I had committed a 
great sin, and I was truly a penitent. But I could find no 
body to sympathise with me. Had I then been in London 
I should have repaired to the Raaf and confessed. But I 
was 80 miles from him. A thousand thoughts like phan- 
toms flashed across my terrified mind, and it would not have 
required much argument to have made me believe that I 
heard the actual hog grunt. Maddened at the consummate 
hypocrisy of my relatives, I determined upon swallowing 
an emetic, and ran to the doctor for the purpose ; but before 
I arrived there, I concluded that my sin would rest upon 
those by whom I had been deceived. As for me, I would 



AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 25 

live and die a Jew, and then I should be saved at last in spite 
of Hogs, Christians, and Hypocrites. 

By this time the reader may form some idea of the nature 
of the horrible pit in which the poor Jew is plunged. How 
well adapted is the reproof of the blessed Saviour, to the 
character of the Jew, "Ye blind guides, ye strain at the 
gnat and swallow the came]. 1 ' 

Neither myself nor any other Jew had any scruple against 
acts of immoral tendency, under any circumstance. Fol- 
lowing in the footsteps of m^ predecessors I lied, cheated, 
and swore with impunity, but never felt conscious of hav- 
ing done wrong until m} T quiet was disturbed with a piece 
of swine flesh. Could my relations have realised that man's 
eye was as glaringly beholding them, as God's eye, they had 
never eaten that swine flesh. And yet this people have a 
prayer for every thing that they can, hear, see, taste, feel 
or smell. Yet all their works are done that they may be 
seen of men. O ! Christian when you read your New Tes- 
tament ; hear preached God's gospel ; when you stretch 
forth your hands, and humble your hearts before your God, 
pity an 1 pray for fallen Israel. For if God keeps him a 
distinct man, be assured that he keeps himself a distinct 
sinner. 

Some time during this season of recreation my temple of 
Judaical learning was removed from Brixton to Hammer- 
smith, thither I repaired to resume my studies. 

The school was now to be conducted under new regula- 
tions. The old Rabbi resigned into the hands of his two 
sons"Shemuile and Zalmor." It appears that the character 
of the establishment was at stake, and needed reform. The 
first new rule pleased us well, viz : That we should not any 
more be allowanced in our victuals. 2nd. That we should 
ha\e meat twice a week, instead of three or four times a 
month. And many other regulations, to mention which 
would be apart from my present purpose. 

Nothing that I encountered was sufficient to erase from 
D 



20 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

my mind the impressions which the Margate deception had 
made. Its tendencies varied. Sometimes I hated Christians 
the more for it. But at other times it served to expose the 
fallacy of Judaism. Yet I mentioned the circumstance to 
no one, but thought the more, and concluded that I was 
still secure, for the sake of my blood relation to Abraham. 

I had scarcely become reconciled (after my return to 
Hammersmith) to my new masters ; before a circumstance 
happened calculated to sour my mind, which I will here 
relate. 

One day while many boys of us were at play it was pro- 
posed to play a game called "the Christians." To work we 
Ave went and formed a very large cross on the wall with 
chalk. That done we fell down before it with strange ges- 
ticulations. While, we were in this posture, we were de- 
tected by our Rabbi Zalmor, who flew in a great rage at us, 
and taking us all in the school room, he deliberately in- 
flicted upon us a severe castigation. Then followed our 
lecture, that we ought not to imitate the Christians even in 
jest. At length we were set at liberty, and we embraced it 
declaring vengeance upon the instrument of our torture, 
which we found means to split before night. 

But the tragedy did not end here with me. I murmured 
against the bigotry that gained for me so severe a flagella- 
tion. And for days I was negligent in reading my prayers. 
I could not, for my life divine, how religion could be cram- 
med into a bo}S head or heart by flagellating his body. 
Thus I reasoned, and so I murmured, until the very sight of 
a Jews head inspired me with a feeling of disgust. After 
so long a time however, I became reconciled, and concluded 
O ! Judah, with all thy faults I love the still. 

There is no greater moral truth than that experience gives 
wisdom to the simple. In myself it is eminently verified. 
Thus a combination of circumstances, some trifling and 
some weighty, had the tendency of first pointing out to me 
the defects of Judaism, and then to lead me to my blessed 



AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 27 

Saviour. In proportion as time rolled on, I became more 
and more sensible of the defects of my religion. And being 
piously inclined, I was constrained to choose the fairest fea- 
ture of Judaism ; viz : To arrogate heaven by virtue of my 
blood relation to Abraham. Thus I walked in the footsteps 
of my predecessors. Abraham went before, Moses followed 
ifter, and we Jews will certainly follow on was my constant 
boast. But now I have found him who was before Abra- 
ham. A meeker spirit than Moses had he, in whom my 
soul now delights. And on whom I hang for salvation. 
Dear reader do you know him ? Do you love him too ? 

Know ye my Saviour, know ye my Saviour 1 
Know ye my Saviour and God. 

O ! he died on Calvary ; 

To atone for you and me. 
To atone for such rebels as we. 

Nothing is more common than for a man to plead con- 
science, sincerity, etc., while he is determined to "steal the 
ivery of heaven to serve the devil in." This was true of 
Saul of Tarsus ; who thought that he was doing God 
service, when he was putting to death God's people. This 
is true, also, of every Jew in the world, who vainly believes 
that he serves God by rejecting the glorious Mediator be- 
tween God and men. Thus my conscience always either ac- 
cused or excused me. It accused me for adhering to a religion 
which I knew to be defective. It excused me upon the ground 
that I did not know how to mend the defects. And although 
I had a disposition to serve God, yet my confidence was so 
great in the Priesthood, (whom I knew to be a set of vile 
wretches,) that I concluded, of whatever nature my sins 
might be, that they would produce means to liquidate every 
debt, and cancel my obligation to the Almighty for my sal- 
vation. 

Many an honest observer has been struck with the re- 
markable similarity between the Jewish and Roman 
Churches. And after having learned more particularly 
about the peculiarities of the Jewish system, has been led 



28 ATTTO-DIOCRAPIIV. 

to oxclaim, in surprise, "Why, this is just like the Catholics!" 
While in fact many of the Roman ceremonies are nothing 
more than a corruption of the Jewish.* And the Jewish a 
corruption of the Mosaic system. 

How swiftly does the arrow of time fly under all cir- 
cumstances. But how does it drag along with tardy steps, 
when the mind is apprenticed to be daily, for }*ears, bur- 
dened, with a ponderous weight of undigestible religion. 
This was substantially true of myself. A burden at home, 
I was left to be governed by whimsical, Judaical teachers 
abroad. Thus rolled on time. While the prejudice of edu- 
cation, every day contributed to engulph me deeper in the 
abyss of a religion into which my enquiring mind could not 
penetrate. 

It cannot but give me- great joy at present, to look back 
on the time when I was in the service of sin, knowing that 
God's eye was upon me all the time, and in his own manner 
produced means, in due time for my deliverance. "Bless the 
Lord O ! m}* soul, and all that is within me bless his holy 
name," 

Nothing worthy of being considered as a link of my narra- 
tive occurred until I was 13 years old. At which time a 
new era presents itself in a Jewish boys life. Several in- 
teresting items are taken into the account at that time. 
First, he is according to Jewish usage considered to be of 
age. Secondly, he is considered capable of takingcar&of 
himself. Thirdly, in some instances he receives from his 
father his portion of goods, i e all that his father intends 
giving him in life or at death. This practice was customary 
in the East but was not much practiced among us. Luke, 
c. 15 : 11 to the end. Fourthly, He then receives his "Tef- 
fellen," f which he puts on at his birth day for the first time, 
and wears them at all suitable times ever after. Fifthly, 



* See Frey's Jewish Intelligencer. 

f See any Theological dictionary under the head Phylacleries. 



auto- r.mcRArriY. 20 
He is then taken into the number to compose the ten neces- 
sary to saying some particular prayers. Sixthly, He must 
chant a portion of the Law in the Synagogue on the Sabbath 
succeeding his birth day, on which his father if he is 
wealthy contributes largely to the charitable Jewish insti- 
tutions. But according to their Usus loquendi not a penny 
is given without being blazed aloud in the audience of the 
people. Seventhly, and lastly, He goes home and feasts it 
like an epicure. Then he is considered to be his own man. 

After I had passed through considerable ceremony, I be- 
gan to indulge a query with reference to the peculiar utility 
of those unmeaning phylacteries, that I had to be encum- 
bered with from time to time. No explanation was given 
to me by any one. Enough for me to know that I must wear 
them. J well remember having put them on, and (standing 
before a glass to see myself in foreign livery) that the effect 
corresponded with the ludicrous object. I thought that I 
looked like a clown with a fools cap on. I could not forbear 
grinning, but concluded to yield for peace sake. One thing 
remains to be told, it is this. Although I wore the unmean- 
ing things a considerable time, I never knew by what au- 
thority, until I found pleasure in reading Christian books. 
When I soon learned that my former practice was founded 
upon Numbers, c. xv : 37 to end. Deut. vi : 8, 9. 

I had now arrived at an age when the mind cannot remain 
inactive. A peculiar feature in the character of my boyhood 
was to arrive at the meaning and reason for my practice. 
Yet I never arrived at any thing satisfactoiy. Sometimes 
I would enquire of my father and teachers, Where is our 
Paschal lamb ? Our scape goat ? Our blood ? Our course 
of priests? Our Urim and Thummim ? Our Shekina? 
Our offerings ? Our incence ? and many other reasonable 
questions ; but my answers were always evasive. If I had 
been made acquainted with the history of my own people, 
I could have satisfied myself with answers, but in my igno- 
rance, I was apprenticed to darkness (and through the instru- 



30 A TITO- BIOGRAPHY. 

mentality of incompetent teachers, to whose care I was 
entrusted,) to have crammed into my expanding mind bigotry, 
prejudice, and an imperfect system of religion. 

The time at last arrived for mo to leave the Hammersmith 
School, which I hailed with a great deal of pleasure. But 
how great was my mortification, when, after I had surveyed 
the past seven or eight years of my life, which had been 
devoted entirely to study, I was proved to be but an indif- 
ferent scholar in any thing but reading Hebrew, and a 
knowledge of the Jewish religion. My father felt mortified 
because he had thrown away so much money for my edu- 
cation, while I had nothing of any consequence to produce 
as an equivalent. He resolved, however, to make one more 
effort to educate me. And feeling conscious (alas ! too late) 
that Jewish schools were good for nothing, he climbed over 
his conscience and sent me to a gentile day school in the 
city of London to finish my education. 

New difficulties here started up, as barriers in my way of 
learning. One was, the fact that my prejudices were al- 
ready immoveably fixed. I could not submit to gentile 
government. Another was, my attachment for the "good 
old way." Another was, that they used to read prayers, 
at opening and closing school, which I always carefully 
avoided, by late attendance and early going from school. 
This manoeuvre soon rendered me odious in the eyes of 
all the scholars. Being the only Jew among them I was 
subjected to a great deal of taunt and derision, so much so, 
that it was impossible for me to walk out without being 
saluted with the well known cry of the persecuting vulgar, 
"I had a piece of pork, and stuck it on a fork, &c, &c." 
A combination of such circumstances soon made me peevish 
and distant. While at the same time I retorted upon them 
with a deep curse, for being the followers of the Hanged one. 

Methinks it is needless to inform the reader that I did not 
stay long at this school. But on leaving, O ! how chagrined 
I was, at knowing that 1 was yet without an education. 



AUTO- BIOGRAPHY. 31 

Finding that my way was entirely hedged up, I relinquished 
the idea of being made a proficient at my father's expense. 
So I bid adieu to the schools, both Jew's and Gentile's, and 
gave myself up entirely to the Devil and an imitation of 
Moses. My hatred for the Christians had now become 
greater than ever. Yet I was not blind to the defects of 
Judaism. Nor was I without serious enquiry as to how I 
could mend the matter. And in my imagination I applied 
many a vain remedy. Had my religion then been founded 
upon knowledge, as it is now, I should have applied a rem- 
edy of God's designing, in Christ Jesus. Sometimes I would 
attribute the existing imperfections to my want of discern- 
ment. At such times, I would look for a faithful follower 
of Moses, but despaired, when I could not find a single 
Mosaical ceremony, observed according to the pattern. 
Thus admitting Moses to be the judge, every Jew in the 
world must be condemned. 

How poor a refuge is Sinai's cloudy summit for a dar- 
kened mind. Yet I knew no other. 

To Sinia's fiery mount I fled,. 
It poured its curses on niy Lead. 

With such a scene as this perpetually before my face, (the 
reader may well conclude) my mental exercises were severe 
but dark. But what could I do ? I obtained instruction from 
nobody. Neither was there any source from whence I could 
derive instruction. In such a dilemma as this who would 
not be compelled to remain satisfied with ignorance. Find- 
ing myself thus hemmed in on every side, my only refuge 
was, to take advantage of my early received opinions, and 
confide in my blood relation to. Abraham for salvation. 

My health which had always been poor,, was now in a 
great measure restored. And like the viper which was 
restored to warmth and life, by the merciful hand of the 
kind farmer, then turned round and bit his children ; I mis- 
improved the blessings that God gave me ; and spent it in 
fulfilling the desires of my wicked heart, most devotedly m 



32 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

the service of sin. I hungered and thirsted after vice, and 
rejoiced at the contemplation that Abraham's child would 
finally be saved. What this doctrine is to the Jew, Univer- 
salism is to the gentile. The same causes always produce 
like effects, and the same doctrine will always have the 
same bearing upon the minds of men all the world over. 
Being settled upon this point, I satisfied the desires of my 
heart until I became a perfect prodigal. Yet I had no re- 
prover at my right hand. To the whole number of London 
Jews which numbered nearly 30,000, I could with justice 
have said Let him who is any better than myself, cast the 
first stone, or offer the first reproof, whether he be Priest or 
Layman. 

The natural consequence of indulging a life so base, grows 
out of total neglect of the religion we profess. Excepting 
when immorality forms a component part of it ; which is not 
the general rule of Judaism. But when the general rule is so 
feebly enforced, or not enforced at all ; Nay ! When the 
general rule is actually violated with glaring impunity, by 
the very men who should force obedience by their precept 
and example, is it any wonder that I, a giddy boy, should 
follow in their track, by an open disregard of the general 
rule, and a consequent recklessness to the claims of Judaism. 
Thus one by one my Jewish observances with its ceremo- 
nies were laid aside. My first step was to set aside my 
Teffcllen as useless and unmeaning things. For this vio- 
lation of the Rabinical bull, I received a senseless and un- 
reasonable reproof. The next step was to discover or invent 
new pretexts for the entire neglect of all ceremonies per- 
taining to my religion. This I found to be a very easy mat- 
ter, for step by step I descended the ladder of iniquity, until 
I became so baptized in desire for giddy pastimes, that I 
could no longer find time to read my prayers. True I trem- 
bled for the consequence. Though I had no fear of God, 
yet I had a dread of my father's hasty temper. I very soon 
indeed realized my fears ; for as soon as my father noticed 



AUTO -BIOGRAPHY. -S3 

that I neglected prayers, as well as Teffellen, he. flew in a 
great rage at me, and with many a wicked oath he gave 
vent to his passion. While he poured upon me a Father's 
curse, he did not consider that he was cursing whom God 
was blessing. 

The manner in which I was disposed of, for my neglect of 
duty, excited my enquiry as to the sincerity of my father 
and others ; for although I received many an oath, yet I had 
no reproof administered. This circumstance as well as 
others had a strong tendency to shake my Judaical prejudices. 
So much so that I was even more Careless after this cir- 
cumstance than before, as the reader may judge from the; 
following narrative. 

The fall ofthe year was at hand; the time had arrived for the 
observance of the most solemn fast, "Yom Kepur," (or day 
Of atonement.) The design of the fast is, to make atone- 
ment for sins that have been committed during the past year; 
The "modus operandi" is to commence the fast at sunset 
one day, and continue without food or drink passing the lips 
until sunset the next day; when the Rabbi or Raaf blows a 
cornet, the sound of which is called Tekeah, which is a signal 
for breaking the fast. Many Jews remain in the Synagogue 
the whole time; the wiser part, however, repair to their 
beds. During the day the prayers of the whole year are 
read, the Law is chanted, large contributions are made by 
the wealthy, and some few unmeaning ceremonies constitute 
the solemn day. Yet although repeated year by year> the 
"comers thereto, are not made perfect." "They only fast 
for strife and debate, and to smite with the fist of wicked- 
ness." 

In my more sincere moments, I always dreaded thls 5 pen- 
ance day. And now I determined that I would not fast, if 
I could contrive some plan to keep it secret from my rela- 
tions. And this I was bound to do for the sake of my poor 
limbs. My plan was to confide in the Gentile domestics,, 
who attended the house, and upon them I enjoined secrecy. 
• E 



34 AUTO -BIOGRAPHY. 

They were to prepare my meals secretly, while I was to 
appear sad before the community as though I was fasting 
with them. When the evening for proclaiming the fast had 
arrived, I celebrated the ceremonies with the family and 
repaired to the Synagogue. My father proposed for himself 
to stay there all night. But I being a great lover of Mor- 
pheas* proposed for myself to go home, which was acceded 
to by my father, after I had received strict orders to be at 
my Synagogue seat with my brother early in the morning. 
I wished him good night and "well over his fast," a univer- 
sally common wish with all Jews and Jewesses on that day, 
and left him for the night. On arriving at my bed I laughed 
in the sleeve at my w T ell matured hypocritical plans. In 
the morning I rose very early and secured a good breakfast, 
and by the time the family were all dressed, I was ready, when 
we all went to the Synagogue together. The want of a good 
usual breakfast, soon drew a complaint out of my younger 
sister. And by the time we had arrived at the Synagogue 
they were all sick. And I had to feign being as sick as any of 
them. Arriving the door of the Synagogue we separated, the 
women occupying the gallery, and the men the body of the 
house. On arriving at my post there was father, with his Phi- 
lacteries on, tired, sick, faint and sleepy. The first question 
was, after the usual salutation; how are you lather? But 
there was no audible answer from my father. A look full of 
language, a shake of the head, and a pinch of snuff, was all 
the answer. About 10 o'clock the ladies went home, for poor 
things, they were so hungry, but durst not eat. At 12 o'clock I 
proposed to my father that I would go home to see how the la- 
dies were. To this my father readily consented. But my real 
object was to get my dinner, which I assure the reader that I 
made sure of before I returned. When I got home, I found all 
the ladies in bed. How do you do ? was my question. Very 
sick, was the response. O ! you hypocrites I cried. This is 



* The Mythological God of sleep. 



AUTO- BIOGRAPHY. 

the way you fast for your year's sins is it ? In bed all day, 
eh ? you hypocrites. Very sick. I'm very sick, was the 
united apology. Poor creatures, how I pitied them ! But 
misery, it is said, likes company. Hence their sympathies 
moved them, (according to custom,) to enquire how every 
body was getting along, commencing with father, then my 
brother Abraham, &c, &c, but my uniform answer was 
(of course) very sick. And I was very sick too. Taking 
my leave of them, I hastened to secure a dinner, and lining 
my pocket with some cake, I returned to the Synagogue, 
fully conscious that I was not playing the hypocrite against, 
the Almighty, but against a religion unmeaning in itself, 
and unwarranted by the Lord. I consoled myself that I 
could now fast well until supper time. On arriving at the 
Synagogue, the scene was doleful. All was confusion. 
There were nearly, or over, two thousand hungry mortals, 
doing penance for their sins. All were dressed in their Phy- 
lacteries. Some were snuffing, some transacting business, 
some more vigorous were making sport of their sick neigh- 
bors, some swearing that they were so hungry, and wishing 
for the night, and myself playing the hypocrite. On ar- 
riving at the seat that my father occupied, I felt actually 
sad on seeing his distressed physiognomy, which he perceiv- 
ing, returned corresponding sympathy supposing that I was 
assick as any one else. At last the long, long, wished for 
cornet was sounded by the RaafF ; the signal to retire. The 
sound had scarcely died away when all were rushing in 
confusion to the doors ; like rushing off a steam boat after 
a sea sick voyage. On arriving at home, we found a very 
plentiful repast prepared. The company immediately set 
to work, to make up for lost time. But I could eat com- 
paratively, but little. And for the first time in my life, I 
believe, I was the subject of general pity. The general 
impression was that I had suffered so much during the day 
that I was actually too sick to eat any thing. My sins 
were, therefore, surely pardoned. After supper we ail re- 



86 AUTO-BIOGRA£Hr. 

tired to our beds, glad indeed that the dreadful day was 
ended. And congratulated each other with the idea that 
"Yom Kepur" comes but once a year. 

Thus ended Yo?n Kepur. We had now made atonement 
for our past sins. While at the same time, there was not 
one of us all who knew any thing about actual sorrow. 

The above paragraph may prove to be offensive to my 
Jewish brothers upon two accounts. First because I slighted 
the great day, and secondly because I am bold in speaking 
about it. But who should be blamed ? Let my Jewish 
brother, for a moment glance at the fact, that he constrains 
his son to fast by abstaining from even bread and water for 
24 hours, during which time he must attend to one con- 
tinued chain of religious exercises, tedious and unmeaning 
to him. Then let me ask, is there one enquiring boy out of 
a hundred, nay a thousand, but what will slight the day, and 
charge the whole bill upon his parents and teachers for in- 
culcating erroneous precepts, and substituting the command-? 
ments of men for the doctrine of God ? With reference to the 
second, let me say again, that in speaking out boldly, I hope to 
accomplish two things. One is, to show that error in my ear- 
ly education, led me on step by step, until I become awake to 
the fallacy of the whole system of Judaism. The next is I 
hope by the blessing of God to awake some of my Jewish 
brethren to the fact that they can never make an atonement 
to God for their sins, by observing such a day as Yom Kepur. 

Such is Israel's blindness. They cannot tell why it is that 
the clouds have rained no rain upon their heritage for near- 
ly two thousand years. They see that their vineyard is 
trodden down ; that the wild boar of the woods has made 
ravages upon it ; they see that the tents of strangers are 
pitched there ; owls mourn, Satyr's dance there. They feel 
that the frowns of Almighty God are hanging over it, yet 
they interpret all in their own favor, O ! Israel look, look, I 
beseech you, to the Mesheach ben David,* for the atonement 
which he made on the hill of Calvary once for alh 

$ Messiah the son of David, 



AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 37 

The morning dawned, bringing with it some severe com- 
punctions of conscience for me. But after some reflection, 
I resorted to my old refuge, viz : That I had not wronged 
God but only cheated the Jews, and concluded that if I 
could keep my past day's conduct secret from them, that I 
should be safe enough upon the ground of my father's teach- 
ings, viz : That the father answers for his children, and the 
RaaiF for the father. This placed me on a footing with the 
rest of my Jewish brethren who had fasted. I was literally 
a white washed sinner, prepared for another year's experi- 
ment. 

By some means, how r ever, my roguery leaked out. Yet I 
was foitunate enough to escape censure, until after I em- 
braced Christianity, when my father charged that day's ex- 
periment upon me with many a bitter oath, as one of the 
darkest evidences of my downfall. Experience is said to 
be the best schoolmaster. To rne at least it proved so, by 
marking out the spots of error in Judaism, until the whole 
system seemed to be nothing but Judaism in farce or mim- 
ickry. 

At length T was led to reason thus : If there is any religion 
in the world, it can be found no where but in judaism. If 
there is but one God, he is assuredly the God of the Jew r s. 
And if God has instituted but one religion, that one must be 
Judaism. 

But here is a religion pretending to hold its origin in heav- 
en ; agreeing with its founder, in not one single particular. 
Full of bigotry and superstition, and wdthall main- 
tained, by a people pretending to be God's peculiar 
children who will swear with impunity, blaspheme upon 
the most trifling occasions ; and still hold at arms length 
all who do not draw in their religious harness. Seeing 
that they fall materially short of being what they seem to 
be, and they too the only ones who have any right to seem 
to be at all ; can there exist such a thing as religion ? While 
these gloomy reflections were passing through my mind, I 



38 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY^ 

trembled. Yet my only refuge was to hang on to a hair of 
Moses with one hand, and to a button of Abraham's coat with 
the other. So that if after I shall have spent a life of infidelity, 
I shall find that Judaism is true, I shall then be able to 
draw myself near to the Law, and only plead my Abra- 
hamic original, and all will be well. 

in a state of mind like this I remained som 1 time, moving 
on as it were imperceptibly, coasting round, but not daring 
to launch out into the sea of infidelity through fear ot some- 
thing I knew not what, still believing that I was sure of 
salvation. Yet I trembled. In my daily movements I veri- 
fied the truth of the proverb : "The wicked flee when no 
man pursueth." Thus I continued to trifle with religion on 
the boders of infidelity, until I fairly launched out in open 
rebellion against the God of heaven. But God has two 
kinds of work to be done, clean and unclean. He employs his 
clean servants to do his clean work, and his unclean servants 
to do his unclean work, while those who refuse to do God's 
clean work, will find themselves bound to do the unclean, 
to their own destruction. This is true of the person whom I 
must now introduce to the reader, through whose wicked 
instrumentality, for a little season, "oil was thrown upon 
my troubled waters," lulling me to sleep in dark and gloomy 
infidelity. 

One day while I was walking, my attention was arrested 
by a very large post-bill, intimating that the Rev. Robert 
Taylor was delivering a course of lectures in the Rotunda, 
on the Black Friar's bridge road, proving the non-existence 
of the God of both Jews and Christians, and other things 
prejudicial to the character ol the Bible and Testament. 

My heart leaped within me as I read the awful announce- 
ment. Oh ! said I, here is the truth of the whole matter. 
The fact is, there is no such thing as religion in existence. 
I'll go to hear Robert Taylor. He's the man for me. 

That night I determined to attend the Rotunda instead of 
the theatre. Accordingly I bent my way towards the place, 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 30 

not without some indescribable emotions. On arriving at 
the gate, my attention was attracted by a very large pla- 
card, having these characters painted, "Going to raise the 
Devil to night." For a moment I shrunk with an instinctive 
dread. Ah ! said an impulse, you have learned how to trifle 
with God, but you are in ear-nest with the Devil. Crowds 
of the vulgar of a London populace, passed me, paid their 
shilling and entered. For some minutes I stood tacitly 
gazing on that awful placard, while my hand, as it were, 
mechanically slipped. in my pocket and laid hold on a 
shilling, the entrance fee. Starting from a deep reverie 
into which I had fallen, and goaded on by an invisible agent, 
I burst the bars of dread and conscience, pushed toward, 
paid my shilling and entered. Though this occurred nearly 
nineteen years ago, yet the horrid feelings with which I was 
seized on arriving at my seat are vivid even now in my 
imagination. Here I was in the Rotunda in company with 
the refuse of London. While at the same time we were all 
brought together to hear God denounced and see the Devil 
raised. Crowds upon crowds came flocking in. I looked 
among them for any body whom I might know, but my sight 
failed me through fear, i tried to conjecture how the Devil 
was going to be raised. Now I'd fancy through some magic 
art. Then in the person of one of the chimney sweepers 
present. Again, I gazed with vacant glare at the strange 
corners, and caricatures about the platform, until my imagi- 
nation became so harrowed up that I cried out loud, "where 
am I ?" The person who was seated near me supposing 
that I addressed him, answered, "This is the Rotunda, sir." 
I started at the answer and gazed at the man. Trembling 
with fear, I gazed round the house again upon nearly 2,000 
human beings of both sexes, the very dregs of London. 
The feature of my society roused my pride, and in another 
moment I became sensible of my situation. I started to my 
feet to make for the door, when my attention was arrested 
by a tall, elderly, good looking man, who was dressed in a 



40 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

black silk gown, with white sleeves, holding with both his 
gloved hands a book at his breast. My "hair stood on end 
like quills upon the fretful porcupine." I fastened my eyes 
on him, as he stalked towards where I was sitting. O ! God ! 
I cried, is this the devil ? On he marched, his gown brushing 
on me as he passed. My eyes followed him to a neat, low, 
square pedestal, (on the platform in front of the audience,) 
upon which he first laid his book, (the Bible,) upon which 
he laid a white handkerchief, and very ceremoniously 
clasped his gloved hands together, turning up the white of 
his eyes at the same time, he laid down his head upon the 
Bible. For full five minutes his head was down, during 
which time there existed the most awful silence. I looked, 1 
wondered, I trembled. All eyes were now upon the Devil 
raiser, (Robert Taylor himself.) Presently he commenced 
gesticulating and gradually straightning himself to nearly 
bending backward, exhibiting>he palms of his hands, 
having his fingers spread wide. "I've been praying (said 
he) as fervently as a parson." On hearing that, the whole 
house broke out in a roar of the most discordant laughter. 
For my part, I certainly felt a disgust for the Devil raiser, 
especially when I considered that this is the way he takes 
to teach me the non-existence of God. He has made but a 
poor beginning, said I to myself, but consoled myself with 
the thought that if his rope breaks, I can prove my identity 
with Abraham by the sign and seal of circumcision, and so 
I will hang on to Moses and be safe in spite of his teeth. 
Presently he commenced his lecture. He quoted scripture 
in a ridiculous light, and left it so. He made the scriptures 
to contradict themselves. He made the most blasphemous 
use of the name of the Sacred Trinity. He defied God. He 
laughed at the devil. He said that the world had been 
from all eternity. That all things came by chance, or by a 
fortuitous concourse of atoms. That the last of man is 
death, as man. But that he may transmigrate into some 
other animal, and so by chance come back again to this 



AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 4t 

earth. And a mess of stuffof the same caste. When he had 
finished he thanked the Ladies and Gentlemen for their atten- 
dance and invited us to come again to-morrow night to hear 
him further. Ah ! said f, on leaving, if there is any Devil in 
existence he would certainly have been raised to-night. I 
thought Robert's arguments were powerful, and I resolved 
to hear him again. Next night I heard him again. He 
informed us that Moses was a liar, Paul was a fool and 
Jesus Christ was a bastard. Well done, I cried, good enough 
for a Christian to talk about. I drank it all down. Yes, I 
swallowed the poison at one gulp, and thought Robert a 
wonderful man. Such was the power of attraction, that I 
heard him lecture again and again,- until I actually loved 
him. Yes, my Hell-deserving soul did actually love the Inf- 
del. Yes, I adored him. O ! my glorious God ? look not thou 
upon my sins! I followed up the lectures until I became 
an adept in infidelity. I now looked upon all religion as 
folly ; the Bible a book of lies; Jesus Christ an im poster ; 
God a mere chimera ; Death an eternal sleep ; the resur* 
rection nothing more than an occasional transmigration of 
the body ; and the general judgment a humbug. 

One night, I returned home full of infidelity, and found a 
drawing room full of company, when the following short dia- 
logue took place between myself and my father. F. Where 
have you been to-night, sir, to the Theatre? Myself. No sir, 
to the Rotunda. F. What have you been doing there among 
a whole parcel of chimney sweepers ? Hearing Robert Tay- 
lor expose the folly of all Religions in the world. Whack 
went the cards, with an oath. And as they were whacking 
down their cards on the lie w tables, I amused the Jewish com- 
pany with my philosophy of infidelity. I told them all I knew 
and a great deal more. I defamed Moses and Christ alike . 
I laughed at Religion and blasphemed God, and capped 
the climax with a recitation out of Shakespeare. M y father 
thought I was growing smart. My brother laughed at me. 
The Ladies turned up their pretty noses at me. And I have 
F 



42 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

no doubt but that the reflecting part of the company were 
disgusted a tme. But, O! my soul, reflect, yes, look back and 
see the self-same time when God was frowning upon me 
and I did not know it. "It is of the Lord's mercies that I am 
not consumed, because his compassions fail not." 

During the course of my infidel career, I frequently trem- 
bled at the probability of there being a true religion yet in 
existence. At such times I was ever ready to conclude in 
favor of Judaism. 

Presuming that it may be satisfactory to the reader to 
know something about Robert Taylor, I will digress, to give 
him his due. This statement may be incorrect, as I write 
from memory. But the vulgar saying, "Give the Devil his 
due, and don't paint him blacker than he is," shall be ob- 
served with reference to this infidel, whether he is dead or 
alive. He was one of three sons who was selected by his 
father to be a minister of the established Church. He was 
accordingly put to school while young, and graduated. He 
ultimately took the orders and came out a minister of the 
Gospel. He preached the Gospel with good effect for a 
number of years and then abruptly left his congregation to 
teach Voltairism. He told his splendid audience one Sab- 
bath, that he had been preaching lies to them, that he did 
not believe what he was preaching, and so left his wonder- 
ing congregation to divine what all this meant. They soon 
however, found out to their sorrow, that their Pastor was a 
wolf in sheep's clothing. He was an Atheist. 

But to return to my story. Time rolled on and still I was 

secure. When Moses failed I flew to Taylor, and when 

Taylor tottered I flew to Moses. I was like the troubled sea. 

For me there was no rest. Yet I hated both Christ and 

Christians worse than ever. 

What am T 1 and from whence ? 

I nothing know, but that I am ; 

And if I am, somewhere there must be a God ; 

And if a God there is, 

That God how great! 

"Whither shall I go from Thy spirit ? or whither shall I flee 



AUTO- 15 TOGR APH Y. 43 

from thy presence ? If I ascend up into heaven thou art 
there : If I make my bed in hell behold thou art there. If I 
take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost 
parts of the sea; even there shall thy hand lead me, and 
thy right-hand shall hold me. If I say surely darkness shall 
cover me ; even the night shall be light about me. Yea the 
darkness hideth not from thee ; but the night shineth as the 
day ; the darkness and the light are both alike to thee." The 
darkest shades of unfathomable vice, never produced an 
abyss of sufficient depth, to hide from the Almighty's eye. 
True, I felt secure, while I was under the teachings of Ta} r - 
lor. And I never once doubted but Taylor could work 
his way through. Deep and dark as was this hiding place, 
yet the Lord was light about me even there. He showed 
me that the re'gn of the wicked is short, yet the Lord 
used even this man as a means of bringing me to the light 
of truth. For had it not been for a providential circum- 
stance which I will now mention, I have no doubt I 
should remain to this day sometimes a Jew, sometimes an 
infidel, and at all times an enemy of God. But even here 
he shook my position in a manner that I least expected. 
The reader may probably imagine how much evil is likely 
to result from a course like Taylor's, in a metropolis like 
London. Infidel clubs were formed, at all parts of the city. 
And we supposed upon a firm basis. But how firm in re- 
ality facts will show. 

God in in his providence laid his afflict lag hand upon 
Taylor. For several days he laid upon his bed, his life 
being despaired of by all, even himself. He dreaded 
death. After having lain tormented under a burning 
fever for several hours, he suddenly started up in his 
bed and shrieked, O ! Christ, Christ, Christ! O ! that I 
had now a Christ to fly to! I have gained more converts 
to the Devil in one hour's preaching infidelity, than I did 
to Jesus Christ in a year, while I was his minister. 

Like wild fire the news flew among his desciples that 



44 . AUTO-BIQGE Aril V. 

Taylor had renounced infidelity, and had invoked Jesus 
Christ on his death bed. In this extremity I felt myself 
driven to the very labyrinth of perplexity. The infidel 
elubs disbanded, and my rope broke. The seamen's phrase, 
"any port in a storm/ 5 was now acted upon by me. Although 
Taylor recovered and after a long time, resumed his infidel 
post again, yet I could no longer trust my reputation, to a 
foundation, that sunk at every blast. So I shifted my posi- 
tion by denouncing Taylor for being a Christian, and boasted 
on my strong hold, my Israeiitish origin. Thus I arroga- 
ted elaims to safety. O ! Moses, whither thou goest I will 
go. What thou doest I will do. What thou thinkest I will 
think. Thy God shall be my God. And when thou diest I 
will die. And then I shall be buried by the same hand— and 
grave too. And as for Abraham, I look so much like you, 
that any body can tell at first glance, that I am your child. 
Seeing then that you cannot disown me, I'm safe oncemore. 
So good bye, Robert Taylor, for the present. I'm safe again. 

The result of my past infidel experience proved to be a 
future blessing to me. One grand result was, that that big- 
otry which characterised my former life, with respect to 
the exclusiveness of my associates, (which up to the time 
of my embracing infidelity was purely Jewish,) was so far 
removed, that during the time that I was an open infidel, I 
formed a very large acquaintance in the Gentile world, 
which 1 now had no disposition to throw off. There then 
rested a blessing of God upon me, (as I shall show in its 
proper place,) in that it was a Gentile who was the instru- 
mental cause of my conversion to Christianity. 

Yet I was ignorant of the character of that God whose 
watchful providence hovered over me. Sentence against 
my evil work was not speedily executed, therefore, my 
wicked heart was fully set in me to do evil. I gave myself 
up to every kind of vice and pleasure that could be pur- 
chased with money. My days and nights were spent alike 
in profligacy. Led into the haunts of infamy by my brother, 



AUTO BIOGRAPHY. 4 fi 

and winked at by my father, I arrogated a tacit permission 
to sin against God with impunity. Yet the Lord was slow 
of anger. 

Madly I ran the sinful race. 
Secure without abiding place. 

While I was pursuing this course of conduct, I resolved 
to get married to a Gentile ladij, whom I had the vanity to 
believe I could get. A novel circumstance inspired me with 
this spirit, which for the reader's amusement I will mention* 
My brother, who was six years older than myself, had been 
for two years paying his addresses to a very beautiful young 
Jewess, without the knowledge of our father. And although 
the love on both sides was mutual, yet there was an obsta- 
cle in the way of his marrying. It was this. The lady 
was poor. This objection, however, did not start with my 
brother, but with my father, who, by some means, obtained 
information of what was going on, and taking my brother 
by surprise one da} T , asked him if it was his intention to 

marry -. To which interrogative my pale, trembling, 

brother stammered out, yes. No more was said for the 
present. In the evening, however, my brother as usual, 
visited his intended. And to his great surprise, there was 
put into his hands a letter directed to his lady's father. It 
proved to be from my father, desiring to know, if in the 
event he should give his consent to the union, whether he 
would gi ve his daughter five hundred pounds for a marriage 
portion. The answer was given to my poor, chagrined 
brother in the negative, which was no sooner understood by 
my father than my brother was promptly informed, that he 

must discontinue to love , as she was too poor. But 

if he was determined to follow suit, he might expect to be a 
beggar all his life, as he would not give him a shilling. 
But if he would choose a Jewish lady worth five hundred 
pounds, he would double the amount for him and give him 
a thousand pounds. How this loving intelligence was re- 
ceived by my poor brother, the reader may guess if he can, 
for indeed I can't tell. I believe the poor fellow cried for a 



415 AUTO- BIOGRAPHY. 

week without cessation. And for a week! Laughed at him, 

i swore at him, I derided him, and urged him to marry 

if he loved her. And not to resign his independence for a 
few paltry pounds. At any rate, (I continued,) if the old 
man is determined not to help us unless we get five hundred 
pounds, I can play him a trick just about right. I'm ac- 
quainted with five hundred pounds, that I can get at any 
time. But I know that the old man wont like my chance. 
Bat what do I care for that, (I continued) I can marry, and 
have a fortune independent of him. This speech called up 
my brother's sorrow afresh. He burst out in loud excla- 
mations of grief, "crying, thank God, that poverty is no sin, 
if it were a great many of us would have to answer for it." 
My poor weak, brother, however, lost his lady. And in his 
loss I felt stimulated to make an effort to gain mine. 

God moves in a mysterious "Vfay-, 
His wonders to perform ; 
He plants his footsteps in the sea ; 
And rides upon the storm. 

We hear "the sound of the wind but cannot tell whence 

it cometh and whither it goeth." But He who has power 

over the tornadt), and glances the fury of his eye in the 

lightning, whose voice is heard in the thunder, and who 

governs Arctarus and Orion, who holds comets in his fist, 

and numbers the Pleiades, who upholds universal empire by 

his power, He, even lie, knows all things, and adorns them 

to promote his own glory. Little did I think, when 1 was 

blaspheming the eternal God, that even then his bowels were 

moved in compassion for me. Even then he loved me. 

Alienated as I was from my God, yet his eye was watching 

me. Satans' chai n was measured. Nor could he pass over 

the line of demarkation. Although he laid his hand heavily 

upon me, yet could he not touch my life. The very cudgel 

that he raised for my destruction, fell upon his own pate, 

and contributed towards working out my future deliverance 

from his complicated folds. And if the gentle reader will 

bear with me, and pity my imperfections, 1 will, (God my 



AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 47 

helper,) devote t lie following pages of this little book to 
make this fact appear. 

The reader will bear in mind that by this time my bosom 
was entirety a stranger to that exclusiveness which once 
characterised roe as a Jew. This was the result of my in- 
fidel principles which taught me to regard ail religion as 
folly. Consequently I extended human rights to the Gentile- 
world. Even this which the enemy designed for my over- 
throw proved a lasting blessing to me. The five hundred' 
pound about which I taunted my brother, was to be had 
with the Gentile lady who was subsequently the instrument 
of my conversion. 

As soon as I ascertained conclusively that my father had 
succeeded in separating my brother from his intended, be- 
cause she was poor ; and when I saw what effect it had 
upon his health, I felt indignant, and out of a disposition to 
be tacitly revenged, I thought to show my superiority, and 
immediately commenced regular visits to a respectable 
Christian family, where my attraction lived. 

After I had continued my visits some considerable time^. 
with the most honorable intention of marrying, the only 
daughter, and only child, (all the time making sure of my 
prize, at last f ventured to "propose the question," which I 
soon found was not answered as readily as I had anticipated. 
So that I began to entertain fears that all my boasting 
which I made to my disconsolate brother, was vain. And 
indeed, it proved to be so; For she informed me r however, 
that she would give me a positive answer in a few days. 

When a few days were passed, (which were more numer- 
ous, however, than I had anticipated,) I received my answer 
in substance as in the following dialogue: L. I don't see, 
sir, how we can ever be married to each other. Myself. 
Very surprised. Why? L. Because we are of different 
nations, and according to the law of your nation, you must 
not keep company with one of another nation. And ac~ 



48 A I) TO- BIOGRAPHY. 

cording to my law, 1 must not be unequally yoked with an 
unbeliever. 

This speech, which was delivered with firmness, had a 
most astonishing effect upon me. Surprised, disappointed 
and vexed, I affected to laugh, and swear, and anon 1 flew 
to Voltaire and his servant Taylor, and commenced preach- 
ing their abominable system to her. But all in vain. I 
could not make her believe that there was no God in ex- 
istence. The existing secret was, that she was a Christian 
at heart, while I was a stranger to common truth. Finding 
that I was losing ground, and withal, likely to be entirely 
beaten off the field by a young lady, I resolved to make 
one more desperate effort, and pour upon her at once a flood 
of infidelity. This I commenced with a most dreadful, blas- 
phemous oath. But as quickly was I checked by my lady, 
with this cutting reproof: "Mr. Davis, swearing is neither 
fashionable, polite nor brave. Neither does it become the 
gentleman." That was enough for me. Mortified in the 
extreme, and as indignant as I felt mortified, I rose to my 
feet to leave the place. 

The young lady finding that I was exceedingly chagrined, 
and not wishing me to leave her house in so ill a humor, 
judiciously changed the subject, and with a sweet smile 
invited me to be seated, (which of course I dare not refuse.) 
But scarcely was I seated before she asked me a question 
which did not set very easy upon me either. "Mr. Davis," 
said she, "what has become of Jerusalem?" Knowing my 
entire ignorance of history, and observing that she was 
growing impatient for an answer, I ripped out an oath and 
declared that I did not care what had become of Jerusalem; 
thatl had got a better country to live in than ever Jerusa- 
lem was, (if there ever was such a place.) Feeling that 1 
had exposed my ignorance, a victim to my pride and infi- 
delity, before minds imbued with virtue and religion, I felt 
as uneasy as if I had been upon a public examination, being 
unprepared, and felt as if I should rejoice with true joy, 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 49 

could I but once more see the other side of the street door, 
with a sound brain. 

But just as I was in the act of making my everlasting 
exit, behold another detention. The young Lady's mother 
accosted me, with, "Is it your intention, sir, to continue your 
visits to my. daughter or not f I could have most heartily 
wished her in Jericho before sjhue had interfered, but find- 
ing that there was no getting .off without an answer, I re- 
plied yes. Growing impatient to be gone, I moved toward 
the door. When, lo ! that thing of whichit is said, it never 
rests, accosted me again. ''Mr. Davis, (said the sprightly 
girl, in half jest and earnest,) you needn't come here again 
unless you can tell me what has become of Jerusalem." 
Without making any reply, I turned round and abruptly 
made my exit, determined, however, never to return. On 
reaching the open air once more, I drew a long breath. 
But ere I had recovered, I was seized with a feeling of 
chagrin and mortification, sorrowing most of all, in that I 
had lost my five hundred pounds. 

The next day I could scarcely look upon my brothers 
countenance, which was considerably brightened, owing to 
pleasing intelligence which he had received from my father 
the evening before, which he was eager to communicate 
to me as soon as he saw me. He commenced with a brigh- 
tened up countenance to tell me that he should be rich yet, 
for father had taken a great fancy to a rich young Jewess, and 
wanted him to offer her his hand. I felt, however, too mad 
to congratulate him ; still I had just enough common sense 
to keep my disappointment to myself. Determined as I 

was to relinquish the idea of marrying — , yet I could 

not so soon forget her. Bat how to resume my visits I was 
at a loss to know. The past exposure of my ignorance, 
my ungentlemanly conduct, and above all my unprepared 
lesson, all stood before me as so many insurmountable and 
immoveable obstacles in my way. After I had stayed away- 
several days, finding that my peace was considerably dis^ 
G 



5Q AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

turbed, I resolved to resort to the only remaining remedy, 
which was, to learn some historical facts abut Jerusalem, 
and so cover my wound with a balm, by going (with perfect 

lesson) to see once more. So to work I went and 

gathered some scraps of history, just enough, however, to 
answer the standing question, "what has become of Jeru- 
salem?" And then with glad heart I resolved upon return- 
ing to the centre of all attraction, fully assured that I 
should be both forgiven and welcomed back again. 

No sooner had I formed this resolution than to work I 
went to carry out my plans, and in a short time I was once 
more in the house of the Admired. I had no sooner en- 
tered, than after the usual salutations, the standing ques- 
tion was introduced with such an amiable, smiling feature 
that I felt an irresistible, impulse which constrained me to 
sit down and tell her the whole story as good humoredly as 
1 could affect. Ragged as my story was, it was received 
with pleasure, and one might have seen my countenance 
brighten at the prospect of regaining the five hundred 

pounds. Still I loved . In fine I was puzzled which 

to choose or which I loved best. Now, exulted I within 
myself, I've won. In another moment, I found myself build- 
ing castles in the air. How much I was going to do when 
I had my prize. But just as I arrrived at the height of my 
imaginary happiness, another mortification, in question form 
was laid upon the carpet for my disposal, from the same 
source as the last. "Mr. Davis," observed my fair one, "it is 
true that your country was destroyed by the Romans, but 
what has become of your people?' Well, I laughingly re- 
plied, I am a cosmopolite, all people are my people. "True" 
she answered, "all people are by nature on a par with your- 
self; but did you not just now acknowledge that your coun- 
try was destroyed by the Romans ? Now how can there be a 
nation without a people ? Where, therefore, are your na- 
tional people, the Jews?" Who can imagine my mortifica- 
tion at having questions pressed upon me, which I was so 



AUTO- BIOGRAPHY. 51 

entirely unprepared to answer ? I could have wished that 
all her questions had been at the bottom of the sea. I 
blushed, chuckled and timidly answered, I suppose they are 
scattered all over the word. I had by this time fairly 
pushed out into the sea of vexation and perplexity, for I 
could see by my sweet teazer's gesticulations that another 
question would speedily arrive. I felt my indignation rise. 
I looked at her, then at my hat, then at the door alternately. 
I heartil} r wished that I had not renewed my visits, but I was 
there, and my only alternative was to cut my evening visit 
short as possible. At the impulse of the moment I rose to 
my feet, seized my hat and was about to make for the door. 
But I was as quickly invited to be seated by my fair one, 
remarking Mb the same moment, "Don't be in a hurry," Mr. 
Davis, "I want to ask you another question." Fascinating as 
was the enquirer, yet I cursed the questions in my heart. 
I paused and bit my lips, but ere I was aware, I was snfely 
seated on a chair, by the side of my fair teaser. "Mr. Davis," 
said she, "I feel very much interested for your nation. Do 
you know the reason why God has permitted your people 
to be scattered all over the world?" I answered rather 
abruptly, you are more interested for my nation than I am, 
for I neither know nor care ; to which she expressed great 
surprise, that I should feel so little interest in the welfare of 
the Jews, while Christians were so much interested in 
their welfare. "But there is amoral as well as a natural 
cause for your nation's downfall. When our Saviour, Jesus 
Christ, (she continued) was arraigned before Pontius Pilate, 
by your people, for no offence but for being merciful, Pilate 
declared that he found no fault in him, and would have re- 
leased him, but your people desired the release of a robber 
in preference. Then said Pilate, what shall I do to your 
king? Your people answered, we have no king but Ceasar. 
Still Pilate plead for his release. But your people were 
vehement in their cries for his crucifixion. Then Pilate 
passed upon him the unjust sentence of deatlr upon the 



52 AUTO-BIOGEAFHr. 

cross. And in the presence of your nation, he took water 
and washed his hands, declaring himself free from the blood 
of this just person. Then he addressed himself to your 
people and said, 'see ye to it.' Then your people with one 
voice cried out, 'Let his blood be upon us and on our chil- 
dren.' " Here her grief choked her utterance, her lip quivered, 
her voice faltered, her eyes filled with tears, and she turned 
aside to give vent her feelings, leaving me astounded, and 
wondering which was to be mostly admired her eloquence 
or her beauty. 

This speech fairly palsied my utterance to automaton 
dumbness. I sat for a moment wondering how she knew 
all this. Yet I dare not ask her a question. I felt, however, 
that she had insulted me by saying the words our Saviour, 
for to me they were hateful, and sounding the name of Jesus 
Christ, was to me as a dagger dipped in the matter of the 
Boh an Upas. Yet, wonderful to tell, I survived, only to 
writhe with its killing torture. I looked at the silent girl 
and her mother alternately, with amazement. When pre- 
sently a mountain of my Jewish hatred rushed through my 
tormented mind. I seized hold of my hat, and rushed out 
of the room, leaving the faithful child of God, and her no 
less faithful mother, wondering after me. 

Having at last gained the open air, and once more libe- 
rated from mental struggle, I hurried from the place of the 
Christians; nor did I slacken my pace, until! had fairly 
reached my old quarters, where between Moses and 
Robert Taylor, I was once more quieted. This last visit to 

gave me so much offence that I now determined to 

give up the idea of marrying her. An extract from the life 
of this young lady is worthy of mention. 

Many years before, her father had embraced infidel 
principles, whose horrid tendency it is to sever the dearest, 
fondest ties of nature. Not being content to remain with 
his Christian wife and daughter, (in obedience to the teach- 
ings of Christianity,) he left his family and cohabited with 



AUTO- 13 IOGK A PilV. 58 

ati infamous woman. Such was the inlense anxiety which 
this child of grace entertained for her father's salvation, 
that she would frequently throw herself in his way as he 
would be walking, and prostrating herself at his feet in the 
open street, so would she implore him with her womanly 
tears, and giant eloquence, to turn to God and live. Often 
has she told me that hrr father would frequently (after 
raising her up,) throw himself upon her bosom and weep 
aloud. Sometimes he would say : 4i O ! my dear daughter, 
nothing makes me feel but your tears." Then he would 
thrust a purse of gold in her hand, kiss her cheek and tear 
himself away. 0! dear reader, are you a female? let me 
exhort you to shed one tear for him, who wept many for 
you. Are you a Christian woman? then, O! dear sister, 
let your ungodly husband, children, brother or neighbor see 
drop from your eye a tear in their behalf. That tear, may 
by the blessing of our good God, be as the tear of the angel 
pify, blotting out a sinner's sins forever. Weep then, O ! 
woman, weep your tear penetrates the hardest heart. 
Therewith God can thresh a mountain. 

Our lives are made up. of a variety of trivial circum- 
stances. But the God who overrules all things to promote 
his own glory, causes even small and trifling circum- 
stances, to become subservient to his will. Eminently true is 
this in the instance of our conversion to God. He employs 
not the mighty of this world to carry out his plans, but the 
weak things of earth, in his hand, are mighty in pulling 
down the strong holds of Satan. The reader, no doubt, an- 
ticipates what now will follow in the order of this narra- 
tion. Wiih his mind thus prepared, I shall leave this family 
of Christians for the present, in order that I may notice 
what effect these interviews, especially the last, had upon 
me. 

Having arrived home from my last visit, I retired to my 
bed, "seeking rest but truly finding none," I could not sleep. 
A strange drowsiness crept over me, and s' form was 



• AUTO-BTOCE \rilY. 

standing before me, as it were, addressing me In her wonted 
eloquence. Her earnest manner, her tearful eye, her quiver- 
ing lip, her choked utterance, her strange speech, "Let his 
blood be upon us and on our children," were vivid in my 
nocturnal imaginings. I groaned and turned upon my pil- 
low. Bat still was I unable to conjecture what all this uneasi- 
ness meant. When morning dawned, it found me with a 
troubled mind. The family noticed that there was something 
wrong, and not venturing to express an opinion boldly as to 
my ailment, they all resorted to guessing, and guessed a hun- 
dred things the matter with me. But none guessed the Blood 
' of Christ. Jests and compliments were alternately passed 
upon me. I tried to retort, but I acted as awkwardly as a 
fish trying to swim on dry giound. 

There were three things which troubled me. The first 
was, the loss of my five hundred pounds ; the next was, the 
loss 'of the object of my choice; and the third was, that 
foreign speech which she made, "Let his blood rest upon us 
and on our children/' To say the least, my peace was ac- 
tually disturbed, nor could I find comfort but in the excess 
of wine and London amusements. 

That night I went to the theatre, but I could neither laugh 
at the comedy nor weep at the tragedy. That awful lan- 
guage, that still more awful denunciation, which my peo- 
ple were said to have invoked, impressed my mind with 
horror. What, said I, is Jesus Christ so bad a charac- 
ter as the Jews represent him ? Is he an imposter, a bas- 
tard, an evil angel, a blasphemer, cursed of God, and have 
my people truly invoked his curse? Horrid enough to in- 
voke the curse of a good being, but to call for a lasting 
curse upon us and on our children, from such a character as 
Jesus Christ was, is dreadful. I trembled and realised that 
the blood of Christ was truly against me there. 

After I had left the theatre, I carefully considered the 
cause that had spoiled my enjoyment, and when I found 
that I could trace it to no other than my disappointment, it 



AUTO-BIOCRArilV. 55 

maddened me, and I resolved to erase from my mind every 
feature of the female preacher and also the subject. I 
accordingly summoned to my help all my powers; I laughed 
and swore; I blasphemed and satirised; I resorted to places 
of amusement and danced; I swallowed liquor and gambled; 
yet wherever I was, whatever I did, His Blood was there. 
I gathered together a number of novels and ballads to read, 
but His Blood stained every page. In the day time, I could 
think of nought else, and in the night, my dreams were 
troubled with thoughts of the past. Truly, said I, if there 
is any truth in what is attributed to my people, in calling 
the blood of Christ upon them, God must have said amen, 
for I can not erase the thought of it from my mind. Thus 
each day my gloom increased, I knew not why, Still 1 
could not enjoy a tranquil hour. This frame of mind con- 
tinued for a few weeks, when a thought flashed across my 
mind to this effect : Have you ever heard a substantial 
argument counter to the idea of the Messiah having been 
upon the earth ? Listening to the voice of conscience, I 
roused as it were from a deep lethargy, and answered the 
enquiry with a decisive no. True I remembered Rabbi 
Garson and others of the same stamp, but who were they, 
or what did they tell ? Nothing but idle fables at best. 
Well, said my mind, perhaps, after all, the Messiah has come \ 
And if he has been upon earth, 1 want to know it. But 
what chance had I to know ? Who could I ask ? I had 
shut myself out from enquiry by the avowal of my infidel 
sentiment. If I fell back upon Judaism, I was equally shut 
out by bigotry and prejudice. If I enquired of Christians, 
I knew what answer they would give me. So I ultimately 
resolved to maintain the position of a candid investigator 
My first resolve was to receive the old scriptures for truth, 
knowing that I had no argument to disprove their inspira 
tion, except what I had learned (parrot-like from Robert 
Taylor,) I next resolved upon reading Moses and the 
Prophets impartially. I marked every part of importance, 



56 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

and with the exceedingly feeble help that I had, I endeavored 
to arrive at the truth. O ! had I then known how to pray, 
w T hat a helper I should have had. But, alas ! alas ! my soul 
was barren. Still was the Lord my secret help. How 
could I arrive at an understanding of the sacred scripture, 
while I had "no man to explain to me," no helps to guide 
me and no prayer to offer to God ? 

The first prominent prophecy appeared in Gen, xlix : 10 ; 
The sceptre shall not depart from Judah, nor a Law-giver 
from between his feet until Shiloh come, &c, &c. Here a 
question originated, who is Shiloh? I remembered that 
while I was yet at school, I learned from several Rabinical 
sources that it meant Messiah. This, therefore, become a set- 
tled noint. Then i reasoned, if Shiloh has not yet come, then 
the sceptre has not departed from Judah and the Law-giver 
must be in existence still. Here two grand queries pre- 
sented themselves. First, where are Judah's sceptre and 
Law-giver ? And secondly, where is Judah ? To reconcile 
these difficulties I affected to believe the Rabinical fables 
with which I was familiar, and concluded that the Lord had 
hidden Judah somewhere. But then where are the sister 
tribes? In vain did I try to bring facts to light, for not a 
tribe could I find. Here another difficulty presented itself, 
viz: The Sceptre and Law-giver were never intended for 
the exclusive benefit of Judah, but that they were to spring 
from Judah for the benefit of the zoKole body. This being 
true, why do not the 25 or 30,030 London Jews receive 
some benefit of their Sceptre and Law-giver. Why should 
they be separated from their privilege ? Nor are these all, 
but also the vast number in Liverpool, and all the English 
manufacturing towns. Beside these, there are innumerable 
numbers found in all parts of the world. And J recollected 
also, of once seeing a Negro who was a Jew. But from no- 
where had I any intelligence of the existence of a Sceptre or 
Law-giver. The natural conclusion, therefore, that I arrived 
at was, that they had departed. When, I could not tell. 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY, hi 

But the facts of the case declared plainly in favor of 
Shiloh's having come, whoever he was. Having in my 
possession a copy of King James' English Bible, without 
the Testament, I next resolved upon examining the prophe- 
cies. And to my utter astonishment, I found there many 
portions which were entirely new to me, owing to the fact 
of their being omitted in the weekly Synagogue reading. 
These portions I afterwards learned related to the birth, 
character, suffering, death and resurrection of Messiah. 
This appeared to me to be a very dark spot, which con- 
strained me to admit that there was somewhere a wrong- 
And being sensible of the craftiness of the Priesthood, I 
concluded that they were misleading the people. In all 
my previous reading I never perfectly understood that the 
prophecies bore reference to the great Messiah ; but now 
the Messiah was stamped upon every page. Thus the rea- 
der may see, that infidelity did me more benefit than Juda- 
ism. For while the latter checked and forbade a spirit of 
investigation, the former indulged and encouraged it. Not 
that infidelity deserves more praise, but that Judaism de- 
serves less. The more I read, the more satisfied I become 
that Messiah must have come. But when I arrived at the 
9th of Daniel, I was completely astonished. Especially 
upon reading from the 21st verse to the end inclusive. Nor 
can I even now, see how an honest Jew can read that por- 
tion of his own sacred Scripture, and not believe that the 
time predicted for his Messiah's appearing here upon earth 
has long since passed away, and that prophecy has been 
fulfilled in respect to his first advent. 

In the former part of this narrative, I have mentioned 
how barren Judaism appeared to me while I was under the 
control of the Rabbins. I never could find a particle of the 
ceremonial law remaining, that (to me) appeared like the 
ceremonial law of Moses. I knew that sacrifices had 
ceased, but for what cause or when, I never knew, until I 
investigated this chapter. Although with the feeble help 
H 



58 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

that I had, I was unable to arrive at a fair understanding 
of the numbers therein mentioned, yet I learned that 
Messiah the prince was to come before the sacrifices and 
oblations should ceased. Secondly, (provided the Scriptures 
are true,) that Messiah must have come before sacrifices 
entirely ceased.* On reading these facts I was entirely 
unmanned, I trembled all over. Wherever I walked there 
appeared to be a sword hanging, as it were, in the air, by a 
single hair, over my head, threatening, as it were, my instant 
destruction. I began to feel a dread of looking through this 
telescope, lest I should bring distant facts near my eye, and 
so destroy all my argument. Si ill spurred with the desire 
to know the truth, I read on. The next fact which was 
brought to light was the truth ol the Messiah having come 
some time before the destruction of Jerusalem. These and 
other facts all argued in favor of the first advent of the 
Messiah having a long, long time since passed away. The 
reader, however, may be aware that if I were to introduce 
here all the arguments in favor of the Messiah's advent, 
that I arrived at, that it would swell this little book beyond 
my calculation. Only here can I say, the more I read the 
more rotten did Judaism appear. 

The shock which this discovery produced upon my physi- 
cal frame was astonishing. My countenance naturally 
pale, began to assume a doleful aspect. All the family 
noticed it ; but being ignorant of the facts, imputed it to 
every cause but the right one. 

Few pens can describe the actual torment of mind in 
which I was plunged. In vain did I attempt to resist the 
conviction that the Messiah had been on the earth long 
ago. Although in what person I could not tell. I could 
not for a moment admit that the Christians' God was the 
true Messiah, But if for a moment (at any time) I did in- 
dulge a thought, that after all, it is likely that he may be, it 

* See Frey's Joseph and Benjamin, Vol. 1st, Part 3d, Letter 2nd. 



AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 59 

was like signing my death warrant. The best that I could 
do, was to indulge the hope that I might find the Messiah 
in the person of one of the old prophets. Yet in not one 
could I find the character of a "spotless lamb," "dumb be- 
fore his shearers." His birth of a Virgin ; his death igno- 
minious ; his grave with the wicked and rich ; his soul 
ultimately satisfied upon seeing his travail, &c, &c ; all, 
all were features that I could find in no person within my 
then present reading. 

This conducted me mechanically to the brink of a proba- 
bility, that Jesus of Nazareth was the true Messiah. To 
reject him any longer on judaical grounds I could not. To 
reject him any longer upon the one-sided argument that I 
always had, I would not. Yet I could not receive him, 
because I did not know him. Neither did I feel anxious to 
know him. I knew that I could not learn any thing about 
him, unless I read his book, which I never had any desire to 
do, although I had seen thousands in the bookseller shop 
windows of Cheap side and Poternaster row, London. Yet 
like every other Jew in the world, I passed them by un- 
noticed. 

I could not for a moment admit that so wonderful a person 
as he of whom the prophets wrote, could possibly be found 
in the person of the Christians' God. Those wonderful fea- 
tures of character could not be found in the person of him 
of whom I had learned so many idle tales. Again I endea- 
vored to give some of the old prophets all the credit ; and 
attempted to submit the whole feature of character to either 
David or Solomon. But then Daniel would again speak : 
"In the midst of the week He shall cause the sacrifice and 
oblation to cease." And I well knew that both sacrifice 
and oblations continued to exist long after Solomon's time. 
How truly does the wise man say, "the heart knowth his 
own bitterness ?" With me in this dilemma all was bitter- 
ness, with no cessation. In this lab} r rinth of perplexity, I 
wished myself out of existence. In vain I tried to repose 



G$! A UTO- BiOGR A P H Y . 

in quiet and Ignorance. But in my sleep I would start,, 
hearing somebody say; "His blood be on us ?md on our chil- 
dren." So was my peace broken in the day time, and my 
hours sleepless in the night season. Not knowing how to 
extricate myself from this difficulty, and having no person to 
teach or guide me, I fell a victim to real mental trouble, 
which was so apparent on all hands that I became the laugh- 
ing stock of the house ; who exercised their utmost hilarity, 
in vain, to deliver me from my mental throes. O ! that I had 
then known how to praj T ; I would have unburdened my 
soul from many a pang. But, alas ! I was a stranger to both 
prayer and the God who hears prayer. 

My greatest concern was to find out who this Messiah 
could be. Such was my intense anxiety, that often while 
reading the Prophecies, I would cry out, who is this won- 
derful person, who in Scripture is recognised by so many 
different names? Can I und a person who is able 
to concentrate them all in himself ? If such a person can 
be found he will be the true Messiah. Here the, mind 
would whisper, Jfsus of Nazareth is he. Starting from a 
deep thought, I hastily and negatively replied, no he is not; 
he can not be ; for he was a bastard, an imposter, and the 
hanged one. Thus was I for a moment silenced, concluding 
it impossible that he could be the Messiah. Another train 
of thought now crowded my mind, which most of all was 
calculated to shut me out from Christ as my Saviour. Con- 
templations growing out of the fact that the law of Moses 
encouraged retaliation, by inflicting upon the offender, the 
same injury as that which he inflicted upon the offended, 
served as an almost insurmountable barrier against my re- 
ceiving the blessed Jesus for my Saviour. Hence I very 
naturally reasoned thus : (being ignorant of the New Testa- 
ment,) If Jesus of Nazareth is the true Messiah, and I be- 
come sensible of it, will he not do to me as I have done to 
him? Certainly he will, was my Satanic reply. While the 
Law roared out, Tis just that he should. To which T 



AUTO BIOGRAPHY. (M 

responded, then I will be satisfied in my ignorance of him, 
for while in ignorance I'm safe ; bat should I be led to know 
him, and he then treats me as I have treated him, then I'm 
damned forever ; there is no mercy for me. Thinking that 
I had arrived at a fair conclusion, I wept for agony of soul. 
And a thousand times I wished I had never been born. 

In this extremity my mind reverted to ; could 

I have had her hy my side at that moment, I should have 
reposed confidence in her, and unburdened my mind. But 
my own bad conduct had effectually shut the door at that 
quarter. Again the thought of having her once more preach 
to me about the hateful "His blood,'' was more than my pride 
could bear. Thus 1 gave up all hope of ever receiving in- 
struction from that source any more. Weeks rolled on, leav- 
ing me a willing captive of Satan, while all the time I was 
ignorantly bound under his powerful delusions. My desire 
for pleasure was now entirely prostrated, and my health 
become so greatly impaired, as to render it necessary 
to call in the family physician. But alas ! he too was 
a stranger to my malad}\ He could not help me- Tired 
out and vexed at seeing my continual gloominess, the family 
abandoned me to eke out a most miserable existence. The 
enemy of God and his children, took advantage of my 
weakness, and presenting to my already terrified imagina- 
tion the most discouraging picture that the father of lies 
could suggest, I concluded that nothing could possibly save 
me. Thus for several days I groaned between two clouds. 
If (said I) Christ is the Messiah, then I shall be damned for 
the wrong I have done him, but if the Messiah is in some 
other person, then I shall be damned for being ignorant of 
him. For many days I continued in a frame of mind not 
to be desired, which would, no doubt, have terminated in 
insanity but for the timely deliverance of my blessed Sa- 
viour, who directed help for me when I least expected it, 
and in a manner that to this day, and ever will, fill my 
poor soul with love and gratitude to my blessed Jesus. 



62 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

Walking about the house one day in melancholy mood, 
scarcely knowing where I was, I happened to walk into the 
Gentile servant's kitchen. Notwithstanding I had no busi- 
ness there, I began mechanically to pry into the dresser 
drawers. While I was engaged in searching for nothing, 1 
providentially picked up a book, and on opening it, at the 
General Epistle of James, I read the first chapter. Filled 
with trembling and surprise at reading my own condition 
in a strange book, I turned to the title page to see what I was 
reading, when to my great confusion, I read the New Tes- 
tament of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, &c, &c. This 
is the Christians book, I exulted, at the same moment some- 
thing said (as it were) steal it. In an instant I obeyed, and 
speedily deposited it in my pocket. Like an electric shock, I 
became sensible of my guilt ; the fear of .detection crowded 
my coward heart, and on hearing, or fancying that I heard, 
one of the servants in an adjoing cellar at work, I hastily 
turned from the opened drawer, and at the top of my strength 
I ran up stairs, sometimes taking two, and sometimes three 
steps at a time, nor did I stop until I safely reached my bed 
room. Perfect^ exhausted, I sat down to recover, but only to 
find myself placed in a still greater dilemma. What was I 
now to do with the very first New Testament that I had 
ever felt any inclination to read ? My brother lodged in the 
same room with me, and forme to have been detected read- 
ing such a book would have ended in very serious 
results. I would have secretly returned it, but for a curiosi- 
ty which I had, to see for myself, what kind of people the 
Christians were; and what their religion was. At last I 
resolved to hide it until I could find a fair chance for reading 
it privately. To accomplish this, I soon found out an ex- 
pedient. My father carried on the manufacturing fur busi- 
ness. His business establishment was about two miles from 
the dwelling, for the safety of which place, Thomas, a Gen- 
tile lad, used to lodge at night. Concluding that his chance 
was good for reading, I proposed to my father that I should 



AUTO- BIOGRAPHY. 63 

sleep with Thomas at the warehouse, urging that I thought 
it unsafe to trust so much property to a stranger, especially 
as there had been many robberies in the city lately, some of 
which had been committed by the watchmen. My bait 
was good, my father took the hint, and at once fell in with 
my views, appearing glad of the chance. My brother too 
was glad to get rid of an uneasy bed fellow. Notwith- 
standing I had appeared dull, stupid, and thoughtful for a 
time past, yet it was apparent that nothing very fatal was 
the matter with my body, so next night I took up my lodg- 
ing with Thomas, who proved to be of signal service to me, 
as I will show by and by. This boy had been in my father's 
employ seven years. He was a praying Christian, and al- 
though I always hated him for his religion, yet I ever 
thought him a very good young man. I remember an 
interesting affair that took place between us about four 
or five years previous to this time, it was this. One 
day as I was swearing most awfully, about the house, 
Thomas said something to me by way of modest reproof, 
at which I flew in a great rage and called him an impu- 
dent puppy. Feeling, however, some slight compunction of 
conscience for having insulted the poor boy, I resolved to 
make some kind of reparation. Watching my chance, I ac- 
costed him with, Tom what makes you better than me? 
To which he replied, "You must be born again, sir." At 
that I become convulsed with laughter. Born again ! I 
exclaimed; you fool of a Christian, and seizing him suddenly 
by his collar, I threw him prostrate upon the floor. He 
was a very stout fellow, and might have whipped me sound- 
ly if he had been so minded. Instead of which, the poor 
confused fellow, gathered himself up, and looking me ear- 
nestly in the face, said with a loud voice, "Master Davis, 
I'll pray for you." I answered him with a bitter, maddened 
curse, and turned away ; thus I added injury to insult. So 
much for the reparation that he got from me. I'll now re- 
turn to my story. 



64 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

I bad lodged with Thomas but two or three nights when 
I found it necessary, for secrecy sake to get rid of him. My 
main object in getting rid of him was that I might have 
leisure nights to read the New Testament To accomplish 
this, I proposed to him to go to his home at night, and leave 
me by myself, which he was very glad to do. So next night 
I was by myself. 

The reader no doubt anticipates, that I was actuated by 
the purest motives, in all this manoeuvring. But the \'ery 
reverse is the fact. True, I desired to read the stolen book, 
yet not expecting to find any thing in it at all congenial 
with my feelings or truth. I fully expected to find therein a 
tissue of absurdities so grossly idolatrous, that it would re- 
quire just such a head as mine to explode the Christian reli- 
gion. To accomplish this, I would be alone. And while 
reading the forbidden b'»ok, (to save my own bones,) I 
would be secluded from Jewish eyes, or Gentile tongue. 

All this time the poor servant girl was quarreling with 
her fellow servants about her book. Of course she did not 
suspect a Jewish thief, and therefore I was left in quiet pos- 
session of the Testament of the Lord to read at my leisure. 
My first impression was that I would fortify myself and 

then go and give the lovely battle for the inroads she 

had made upon my Jewish predilections, for now I hated 
her for her religion, more than I ever loved her for her 
beauty and virtue. At length, in full agitation, I sat down 
to read, and casually opened the book at John vm. The 
former part of the chapter made me so angry that I could 
have burned the book, but still actuated by a desire to read, 
from the 48th verse to the end appeared to be an accumula- 
tion of such consummate folly, that I thought I should have 
no difficulty in rooting up Christianity from the earth. 

Without the least serious reflection, or considering what 
I was doing, I shut the book exulting in my supposed con- 
quest. On the next day I resolved to go at once and belch 
out my anti speeches abruptly in the face of — — . The 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY, 05 

55th verse, in my opinion, was enough to prove the con- 
summate folly of her religion, and so overturn the whole 
scheme. Confident of success, on the next afternoon I sal- 
lied out, (Saul like,) to seek the Christian's residence, to 
defeat the inmates with their own weapons. With the 
book in my pocket, and with the only second place read, 
and well turned down leaf, I ultimately arrived at the house. 
Never before or since this adventure, has my bosom been' 
inspired with such a confidence of success. And never 
have I been so utterly repulsed, and so completely beaten off 
my track as at this time. On arriving at the door, I raised 
the knocker, the which I had no sooner let fall, than I was 
seized with such an indescribable throbbing of conscience, 
that I would have given all the world if I had not embarked 
upon so unequal an enterprise. The door was opened by 
the old lady, and there I stood, pale, trembling and speech- 
less. She invited me in and to be seated, which I had no 
sooner accepted, than I found myself entirely unable to 
carry out my plans. My confusion was heightened by the 

smiling presence of , whom I hated for her religion, 

and the trouble into which I felt she had brought me. There 
I sat the victim of my own madness, perfectly unable to 
speak a single word. I felt that God was fighting against 
me. 

The novelty of my conduct struck the two ladies 
with perfect astonishment. After a pause of some min- 
utes, (which I occupied with looking at my feet,) the old 
lady broke silence, by kindly enquiring the cause of my 
■uneasiness. I could not resist the kind, motherly appeal 
she made, and I briefly answered, Vm in trouble. A 
long pause followed. At last the old lady broke 
silence again by saying, "Mr. Davisy of whatever na- 
ture your trouble is, you may find comfort in the Chris- 
tain religion." In a moment I thought of the well turned 
down leaf of the book in my pocket, but before I had 
time to make a reply, she continued, "Would you not like 
I 



&6 AUTO -BIOGRAPHY. 

to visit a Christian Church one Sunday ?" That was enough 
for me. Madam, I indignantly answered, you insult me ; 
you know, I rejoined, that I never have been in such a place ; 
and I'll take care that I never will. Chagrined and morti- 
fied, I abruptly seized my hat, I wished the ladies 
farewell ; and in a most hurried, ungentle manly manner 
left the house, shutting the door with considerable force 
after me. 

I arrived home chagrined and mortified at my failure and 
insult, and taking the book from my pocket, I determined 
upon reading it no more. The remainder of the week 
passed away, while nothing worthy of a place here occurred 
until the following Saturday midnight. I retired at my 
usual time, and soon fell into a sound sleep, when suddenly 
I awoke and felt as if I had not been asleep at all. 
While I was laying upon my bed an impression lodged 
itself in my mind, to get up and go to a Christian Church.: 
I laid thinking about it until day break, when my curiosity 
was raised to such a pitch that I determined to go at all 
hazard, to see what the Christians did there. But there 
existed a difficulty, which I could not set aside ; which 
was, the expectation of the family to see me home to ; 
breakfast. And if I had gone home, I no doubt should 
have joined some companions in a Sunday stroll. I 
looked at all these difficulties, and finding that I could not 
surmount them, I resolved upon following up my morning 
plans, to break from every hindering cause, and go to a Chris- 
tian Church. 

After having walked about the city some time without 
knowing where to go, or at what hour to enter. The bells 
soon announced the time, and a concourse of people, who 
seemed to say follow us, led me to the place. I would have 
entered in with them had it not been for the fear of detec- 
tion, which prompted me to stay outside. While standing 
there I amused myself by peeping in every time the door was 
opened s my curiosity being still on the increase. At last the 



AUTO- BIOGRAPHY. SI 

house was filled, so that the door way thrown entirely open; 
which afforded me a full view of the interior. I listened 
attentively to the singing, and gazed strangely, with open 
mouth while the minister led in prayer. But who can ima- 
gine my surprise when I heard him pray that God would 
convert the Jews! My instantaneous impression was that, 
if that man means any good by his prayer, he at least, can 
not hate the Jews quite as bad, as I have always imagined, 
that the Christians do. A train of serious thoughts soon 
wrapped me in solemn contemplation, while I still stood 
without. Prayer being ended, again they sung praise to 
God. Then the preacher read from John vm, which he no 
sooner mentioned than I was for running away. Still, how- 
ever, curious to know the result, I summoned up all my for- 
titude to hear himpatiently, when presently he solemnly 
and deliberately called the attention of the audience, to the 
subject from which he was about to preach, from John viii, 
commencing at the 48th verse to the end of the chapter in- 
clusive. I stood as one petrified. And when he read the 
58th verse, I thought he looked right in my eye. I started, 
and cursing the Christians in my heart, there now, said I, that 

old hag and her daughter — , are nothing better than 

witches ; and they have told that preacher my past week's 
exercise upon that very subject. 

Being perfectly ignorant of the manner in which God 
deals out his providences, (like the Jews of old,) I attributed 
every visitation to an evil cause, and concluded that Satan 

had inspired all, , her mother and the preacher .to 

persecute me because I was a Jew. I listened, however, to 
the discourse, and received every word as spoken to me 
personally. The controversy between Jews and Christians 
was discussed at length ; and Jesus Christ, in the character 
of the. Eternal God, beautifully presented in both type and 
antytype ; yet my heart was hard. At last the congrega- 
tion was dismissed, but a more wretched mortal never 
breathed than! was. I turned toward home, with a mur- 



68 AUTO-BIOGRAPHT. 

muring soul. But His Blood stared in my face, while con- 
science would still whisper Christ is the true Messiah the 
Eternal God who was before Abraham, the great I am 
whom Abraham saw upon Moriah's summit in feeble figure, 
when he offered up a lamb for a burnt offering in his son 
Isaac's stead. . What I had learned that day was before me 
in living figures for some considerable time. The peculiar 
providence, attending the subject which was presented on 
that day was well calculated to alarm the mind of an in- 
quiring Jew. 

As I was walking home, slowly and sad, (contrary to my 
wishes,) I met my brother. "Good morning," he shouted. 

"Where the have you been ? Why didn't you come 

home to breakfast ?" I don't want either breakfast or dinner, 
I pettishly replied. On hearing this he burst out into a fit 
of laughter. "I suppose," said he, "that you have lost 
your five hundred pounds, now its my turn to laugh." 
At the instant, on hearing his jocose retort, I suspected that 
I had been detected going to church. I looked him full in 
ihe face, and finding him ignorant of the facts of the 
case, I pushed forward for home, on arriving at which, I 
was instantly called upon to submit to a rigid cross ex- 
amination, and then was suffered to retire to my quiet 
musings. When the evening came I retired to the solitary 
warehouse, where I encountered many a severe pang of 
mind. The day's experience had thrown down my prop, 
and turned the tables completely upon myself. 

Never in all my life had I looked in a mirror, where my 
ignorance was so clearly depicted and shown tome as on 
that day. Yet I was in no wise inclined to acknowledge 
Christ as the Messiah. Sensible as 1 was that I was entire- 
ly routed, yet I continued to fight after I was conquered. I 
felt maddened at what I tried in vain to reconcile with facts, 
viz; that that day's business was only a hoax played upon 
me. I determined to rally around me all my remaining 
force, and find (if possible) some reasonable ground whereon 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY^ 69 

to reject Christ as the Messiah. For by no means could 
l,be reconciled to receive him. But if, for a single mo- 
ment, I indulged a. probability in his favor, Hell stared me 
full in the face. For an hour I sat thinking, rallying around 
me all my arguments, and on finding myself in the worse, I 
cried in my distraction, Christ is not the Messiah, he must 
not be, he shall not be. 

A tedious night of dreams was at last dispelled, by the in- 
troduction of another view of the morning sun. And, O! un- 
grateful, hardened wretch that I was, I awoke, and cursing 
the light that God gave me for precious use, I seized it and 
with its help I again had recourse to the already opened 
Testament, to find, if possible, some internal weapons where* 
with I might still succeed in destroying the Christian reli- 
gion. Evil as my motive was in reading that morning, yet 
did God overrule my work for my good, He had numbered 
the links of the Devil's chain ; and glory, glory be to his holy 
name, that throughout all my tribulations he still said to the 
enemy, "Thus far shalt thou come, but no further." In the 
course of my read nig my mind was attracted by the twenty- 
second chapter of Matthew, particularly from the 23d to 33d 
verses, bu tthe very best that I could say of it was, that it was 
plagiarised from Moses, (my man,) Deut. xxv, 5 10. But when 
I read from verse 42 to the end, inclusive, I felt entirely lost. 
This, said I, is plagiarised from David, (my man also,) Psal. 
ex. And although I had been reading this all my life, yet it 
was only now that I began to enqire, what all this very 
mysterious reading meant. And so eager was I to find ar- 
guments against the Christian system, that I immediately 
flew in my own face, and questioned the common sense 
veracity of my own acknowledged scripture. "What think 
ye of Christ?" "Whose son is he ?" with their respective 
answers, &c, drew from me fair reasoning upon false 
premises. What, I asked, can a man be the son of two men 1 
can a man have two fathers? How then can Christ be 
both David's and God's son? Here two grand difficulties 



70 Al r TO~ B 1 0 G R A PI! Y. 

presented themselves, apparently insurmountable, at the 
prospect of which my wicked soul exulted. The first was the 
fact that Christ could not have been David's son 5 from the fact 
that many generations' had existed and passed away between 
David and Christ. The second was, the impossibility for 
GOD to have a son, who is a spirit. If even God were corpo- 
real, it were absurd to talk of his natural son, because that 
implies a chain of relations, which is too preposterous to 
admit of God Jehovah. Weil, said I then, if you ask me 
whose son you are, I am free to admit you either no son at 
-all, or the son of the Devil. Enraptured at my ingenuity 
in bringing such hidden mysteries to light, I concluded that 
I. had accomplished my purpose, and as incontrovertible ar- 
guments I settled them in my mind. So confident was 
I of success, that I lodged the book in its hiding place, and 
determined to fallback again, into the ranks of the Jews. 
Notwithstanding this determination, I soon found that I 
could not quiet my mind as easily as I had imagined. His 
blood; the past Sunday's experience ; the knowledge that 
Messiah had been upon earth; facts that appeared favora- 
ble to Christianity, all crowding before me, conspired to 
trouble me, in spite of my effort to keep calm, so much 
go, that as the week was passing, my desire to go to (Spen- 
cer Place) church once more on next Sunday was actually 
irresistable. When the day actually arrived, ere I was . 
aware, I was on my way mechanically to Spencer Place 
Church. By this time the curiosity of the family was con- 
siderably excited to know what I did with myself on Sun- 
day morning. Yet, notwithstanding I feared, yes, I dreaded 
detection, still regardles of consequences, I felt constrained 
to push through all restraint, and go (I knew not why) to 
Spencer Place Baptist Chapel once more. On reaching the 
place I found the congregation gathering, and fearing that 
I might be detected, or recognised by the preacher, I entered 
by an opposite door, from where I had stood on the previous 
Sunday, and took my seat in the body of the house. After 



ALTO-BIOGRAPiJT. 7 I 

the usual introductory :. -exercises, the same preacher stood 
at the desk, (John Peacock,) and announced his text to be 
in Matthew : xxix, and part of the 42d verse, "What think 
ye of Christ?" 

It afterwards appeared that the minister had on the first 
Sunday announced his intention of preaching from this 
text, by way of carrying out the same subject, which an- 
nouncement! had lost in consequence of my being rather 
hard of hearing. As he announced his text I caught a 
glimpse of his eye, and at the moment I concluded that there 
was design on board. My heart jumped within me. I 
turned round to see if I could leave the house unnoticed. 
But I found myself to be literally hemmed in by the large 
audience, so that I was obliged to remain to hear the ser- 
mon. The minister first stated the question. He then 
proceeded to show what some people think of Christ, viz : 
The Jews think that he is an imposier; the Unitarians think 
that he is a good man ; the Sinner thinks that he is unmer- 
ciful ; the Christian thinks that he is the Eternal God. 
Then he showed what we ought to think of him; the true 
Messiah. And lastly, the evidences of his being such. I 
sat motionless, listening while the man of God proved the 
miraculous conception and the two natures of Christ as 
God and man. As he advanced with his subject, tracing 
the evidences of his Messiahship, my hitherto motionless 
frame was seized with trembling, until (Nebucadnezzar 
like) my knees smote together. The force of Gospel truth 
was too keen. I could not any longer resist the conviction 
that Jesus Christ was the true Messiah. Yet, as ill had been 
propelled by the enemy of God, I started (as it were) from a 
deep thought, he has not proved yet, thought I, that Christ 
is both God's and David's son. I had scarcely time to re- 
collect where I was, when the man of God closed his book 
and announced his intention of pursuing the subject 
on next Sabbath, when he would trace Christ's genealogy 
from Adam, and so prove him to have sprung from J udah. 



72 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

At that moment it would have required in me very conside- 
rable presence ot mind, to have persuaded myself that all 
eyes were not upon me. Agitated and trembling, I looked 
round to see if my emotions were founded upon truth. But 
my sight failed, so that I could not discern a single feature. 

When we were dismissed, I turned toward home, con- 
templating the mysteries of the day, and so very wonderful 
the chain of circumstances appeared, that I would frequent- 
ly exclaim, is this Christianity? There were several cir- 
cumstances that appeared to me to be unaccountable. But 
above all, was the fact of the preacher arriving at my iden- 
tical thoughts, and publicly mentioning them. In his dis- 
course he presented the controversy between the Jews and 
Christians in so clear a light, that I felt confident that he 
both recognised me and Knew my state of mind; especial- 
ly upon one occasion, when he become warmly engaged, he 
raised both his arms high, and in a loud tone of voice 
cried, I would to God that there might be a Jew in this house 
now,' listening to me. At the instant, upon hearing these 
words, I turned pale. His raised hands gradually lowered, 
pointing at me ; and as they rested upon the desk, I dodged, 
through fear that they would fall on me. Now, said Satan, 
you are detected ; see the treachery of this new religion *it is 
not half so true as old Moses. This day's experience served 
to fill up my mind until I arrived at home, and assuming as 
cheerful a countenance as possible, I artfully evaded the 
troublesome questions of the family, when they left me to my 
reflections. Such reflections as I passed over me that week 
are beyond my ability to express. A thousand times I mur- 
mured, can it be that the Christians are right after all ? Is 
it possible that what I've heard is indeed true? If it is, then 
Jesus of Nazareth is indeed the true Messiah, and I am 
damned forever. I shuddered at the thought, and in the 
agony of my mind I gave vent to my feelings, and I cried 
out, He is not, he is not; Jesus Christ is an imposter. After 
indulging such thoughts as these, my mind would be direc 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 73 

ted to some of the evidences in his favor. Among the 
many was the fact of no person ever having answered the 
character which the prophets gave of the vSaviour but Jesus 
Christ. O ! God, I cried, is that true ? If it is, then t ruly 
his blood will rest in anger forever upon us poor Jews. 
He will cause us to eke out a miserable existence here on 
earth, and to obtain his everlasting curse at last. 

Such was the tyrannical wickedness of my unyielding- 
heart, that I resolved to rally round me all my remaining 
force before I confessed myself to be conquered. So that if 
/ must fall all my force shall fall with. me. Only one con- 
solation was left for me as a shelter, and that was found in 
the hope that the preacher, on next Sunday would fail to 
prove that . Jesus Christ was both David's and God's son, 
and I flattered myself that I should realise my consolation, 
particularly upon the ground of my own reasoning, that 
the Christians can not make it appear that they believe in 
but one God, when they try to make three persons appear, 
which without doubt must be three separate Gods. With 
these thoughts my mind became tranquil and fortifieJ, to 
carry out my plans to hear the remainder of that discourse 
on next Sunday, when I anticipated a perfect failure. I was 
determined until then to remain as quiet as possible. But 
in spite qf all my efforts to enjoy a calm mind, I was so 
troubled continually, as to frequently cry out in my agony, 
and wish myself dead; yet (even now) I bless my God that I 
could not then remain calm. Yes I even now bless my God 
that I then realised Isaiah's truth, that "There is no peace* 
saith my God, to the wicked." My time was made up of 
moments of tribulation. A thousand times I heartily wished 
that there was in existence, no God, no Judgment, and no 
Eternity. But, oh ! there is a God, and a Judgment, and an 
Eternity to come. Thither I began to seriously feel I was 
hastening; and with the awful judgment in view, I trem- 
bled at the consequence of meeting there the hated N~aza- 
rene, if he be indeed the Saviour. Thus my moments bar- 
IC 



^4 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

rassed me ; while time was speedily rolling on. But ere I 
was prepared for the great day's dawn, Sunday arrived 
again. I did not by any means welcome the day. I actu- 
ally trembled at the thought of going to the Christian 
Church again. At the moment of starting, a thousand 
temptations were thrown in my way, as inducements not 
to go. But feeling myself under an obligation, to hear out 
that discourse, I summoned up all my resolution to my aid, 
and presently I was on ,the road again to Spencer Place 
Chapel. I arrived in time to enter with the audience. But 
scarcely was I seated, ere I experienced an indescribably 
solemn awe creep over me. The place was holy. Singing 
and prayer being over, the same minister stood at the desk to 
conclude his dircourse. He read Matthew xxn : 42 to end. 
His introductory was peculiarly expressive. He then traced 
the genealogy, and proved that Christ sprang from Judah, 
down through the line of David. He then spoke of the mi- 
raculous conception and proved its adaptedness to Isaiah vn : 
14 and xi, &e. &c. Then he spoke at some length of the 
adaptedness to the wants of mankind in the person of Jesus 
Christ. And while he continued to preach truth upon truth, 
all savoring of Christ, whom he extolled in the highest, 
he poured out such volumes of Christianity, that he 
made me to see the very same despised Jesus of Nazareth 
standin-on the earth with the feet of his humanity, at the 
same time laying hold of heaven with .the hands of his 
divinity, thus forming an unbroken communication be- 
tween 'earth and glory, whereby man might regain the 
elevation from which he has fallen. The man of God con- 
tinued to represent the Redeemer as gloriously adapted to 
the wants of a lost world. All this I bore with some emo- 
tion but when he spoke of the love of the Lord, in praying 
for his very enemies, giving us the assurance that his very 
destroyers might find in him favor and pardon, I could 
bear up no longer. Oh ! this was good news indeed. I saw 
ta once that I was his destroyer, I had been all my life sane 



Atrro-uioGRAfflt. fd 
tioning the bloody deed of my fathers ; and would he pardon 
such a wretch as me ? The man of God said that he would. 
The word of God said that he Would. This was more than 
I could bear f my heart beat, my lips quivered, and in a co- 
pious flood of tears my eyes spoke the language, of my soul. 
I buried my face and gave full vent to my feelings. While 
they were singing a closing hymn, I ventured to raise my 
head, though with fear of detection, and turning myself 
round to see if I had been noticed, to my utter amazement 

there sat both — and her mother looking full at me. 

I shrunk from their gaze, and would have sunk in the earth 
if 1 could. Now, I cried, I'm certainly detected, my ruin is 
sealed. Who can tell how wretchedly I felt ? I left the 
place with a crowded mind ; Christ was all my thought* 
When I arrived at my lodging, I silently pored over my 
strange experience, which but too plainly declared that 
Christ was truly the Messiah, the Son of God. 

The reader may imagine what was the nature of my 
reflections. The truth that Jesus of Nazareth was equal to 
his pretensions, in that he is the true Messiah, the God- 
man, the promised Saviour, crowded before me with ir- 
resistible power, and so forcibly captivated my mind, that 
I cried in agony, O ! wretched sinner that I am, how can I 
be saved ? True I had both read and heard that the worst 
of sinners might And pardon in Jesus, but my concern 
was, will he possibly save me from my just deserts? Can I 
be saved? While Satan, in answer, whispered, no, no ; your 
overthrow is just. Ah me! I cried; there is no chance, I 
must be damned. 

My situation appeared to me so utterly hopeless as to 
drive me nearly to distraction. In my heart I cursed the 
Rabbins, because they had misled me, and so long kept 
me in darkness. Yet I could not yield to the idea that Christ 
is the Saviour. For several days I was in agony of mind, 
sometimes almost persuaded, then again doubting, then 
yielding to a probability, until I was driven to the fearful 



70 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

conclusion, he is not, he is not. I can not, I can not. But 
here a soft whisper would say suppose he is, can you then ? 
Oh ! said I, if he is, then I must be damned; I cannot escape. 

How often does the arch enemy raise a cudgel against 
the people of God, which results in bruising his own head 
therewith % This proved true in my following experience- 
Perplexed even to destruction, I resolved to make one effort 
more to destroy Christianity, with its own weapons. In or- 
der to accomplish this I determined to read the New Testa- 
ment, regularly all through. But the more I read the more 
1 was forcibly impressed with the character of Jesus Christ. 
If 1 had been acquainted with the character of the New 
Testament when I was an Infidel, I should have concluded 
with Porphyry, that it was written "after the events." 

In Christ I saw an exact fulfillment of prophecy. I was 
forcibly struck with the harmony between the Old and 
New Testaments. Existing facts proved them to be true. 
Especially in the fact of my own nation heing living wit- 
nesses against them. If Daniel and Isaiah had been upon the 
earth at the same time that Jesus Christ was, there might 
have remained some doubt on my mind, that their descrip- 
tion of the Messiah was forged. But from the fact that they 
both prophecied 600 or 800 years, before the nativity of Jesus 
of Nazareth, and both speaking so accurately, respecting 
the time of his birth, his character, life passion, death and 
resurrection, I could not any longer encourage a particle of 
doubt to possibly remain with me. And by the time I had 
read all through the Gospels and Epistles, I felt like crying 
out, "Depart from me, O ! Lord, for I'm a sinful man." 

The perusing of the sacred book occupied several weeks , 
when at each passing day I encountered still more and more 
severe mental conflicts. The result of my reading was, that 
I became perfectly awake to the consequences of receiving 
Christ as my Saviour. The same inveterate spirit which 
once characterised my people against Christ, was even now 
as fully mature in them as when they cried out, "Away with 



ALTo-Bia^jRArnr. 77 
hint, crucify him, crucify him, let his blood be on us and on 
our children." Alas, too plainly did existing facts prove the 
New Testament to be true, in the last named text. 

I saw truth, I read truth, I felt the force of truth ; all my 
opposition argument failed me, and left me no alternative 
but to receive Jesus Christ as the only true Messiah. In 
full front of consequences, J groaned, being ignorant of the 
nature of true repentance. I was even yet very far from 
being a Christian. If for a moment I contemplated the 
character of the Saviour as merciful, all my sins in their 
ocean-like magnitude, deliberately presented themselves 
before me, and asked, dare you expect mercy from him ? 
Too willing, alas ! was I to yield to the wicked one and reply, 
there is no mercy for me ; the Christian religion is certainly 
true, and I'm lost. Days of mental tribulation rolled by, car- 
rying away with them my natural cheerfulness and health. 
My physical frame soon sympathised with my mind, until it 
became fully apparent that my mental tribulation was hur- 
rying me off this stage of action, while no one on earth 
cared for my soul. My situation excited the fear of the 
family ; my father became alarmed ; they all prescribed for 
me, but in vain, for in the midst of all I became prostrated. 
In vain the family physician advised ; at last it was con- 
cluded that I was falling into a decline, and that they had 
better let me alone. Poor things, they did not know that 
I needed a heavenly physician. 

I now began to think about those Christians whom I had 
persecuted, how I could make them reparation ? There was 

the insulted , and immediately under my own roof, 

served the faithful Thomas. My first impression was to 
invite him to lodge with me again, and at a convenient op- 
portunity, I would disburden my mind to him. I had also 
policy in inviting him back, which was to prevent my re- 
moval from my retirement. He had lodged with me some 
considerable time, before I could rise above the consequences 
so far as to say a word to him upon the subject. So that 



7$ AUTO-BIOGHAPriV. 

weeks rolled on, leaving me still trembling under the ire of 
a justly incensed God. A blasphemed God, a crucified 
Saviour, an insulted spirit, Death, Judgment, Eternity, the 
land of rest, and Hell Were everlastingly before me, while 
my sins like a mountain threatened to fall on me. Many 
a time in my agony I groaned, what shall I do to be saved? 
I can not live, I can not die, I can not meet my God. O I that 
I had neither to dol Oi that there was no God S 

One evening, (during Thomas' necessary absence for the 
night,) while I was sitting in my solitary room, meditating 
upon'the Christian religion, and my soul's salvation, I was 
so impressed with a dread of death and my just deserts after 
death, that I cried in agony, Must I then be damned? Is 
there no hope for me? Is there no chance for escape? 
Must I be damned in my ignorance ? Is there no man who 
will teach me? My Rabbins are blind; my brethren are m 
darkness ; they can do me no good; Christians I know can 
help me, but to them I dare not communicate my feelings, 
through'fear of the Jews, who would endanger my life, and 
1 drea°ded death. I walked my room in trouble, crying out, 
what shall I do? What shall I do? I'm lost, lost, lost In des- 
pair! sat down at my table, and seizing my Testament I 
casually opened it at the 6th of Matthew, I read the chap- 
ter with much feeling, which left an impression on my mind 
to try the effect of prayer. The thought startled me as if it 
was entirely new. Nor had I ever dreamed of such a rem- 
edy. But how shall I pray? What must I do, I enquired ? 
Pray as the Christians do, was the response. What, said I, 
must I actually go down upon my knees to pray ? My proud 
heart recoiled; my Testament laid open before me at the 
6th chapter of Matthew, which attracted my attention, 
when presently a thought occured to me that I must say 
the form of prayer contained therein. In obedience to that 
impulse, I kneeled down and began to say, "Our father who 
art in heaven," &c. In an instant my power of body 
was taken from me. My mind was effectually disturbed, 



A U T O -BIOGRAP- 11 Y . 70 

i thought that somebody was iti my room, against whom I 
entertained great fear. On my knees I trembled. The earth 
seemed to open beneath me, and I could see (as it were) the 
flames of hell vainly endeavoring to reach me. Stop, said 
Satan, consider well what you are doing, remember how 
great your sin is. You are first going to violate God's com- 
mand, which tells you to honor your father and mother, 
Exodus xx, consequently, you will soon die, and be lost for- 
ever. Secondly, you are going to turn Christian. By that 
act you will forsake your father's God, and worship a 
stranger, Jesus the crucified one, and for that sin alone you 
must go to hell. Rise from your knees and be at peace. 
I started, and confusedly looked round the room, but all 
things appearing familiar, I threw myself in a chair, where 
I sat some minutes before I sufficiently recovered to realise 
my situation. What does this mean ? I enquired. Pray was 
the response. I have tried but can not, I answered. Pray was 
still the response. How shall I pray? Pray, pray, pray* 
was still responded. Here a thought occured to me that I 
had not prayed right, that there was a rule to be led by. I 
looked again at the opened book and marked well that I 
must "shut my door" and pray in secret. I accordingly 
shut my room door, in obedience to the direction, and in the 
simplicity of my soul I drew my bedstead against it; and 
lighting a fresh candle, I sat down to meditate, but my 
mental tribulation increased ten fold. My soul was 
wrought up to the highest pitch, under the temptations of 
the Devil, the dictates of conscience, and the calls of 
God's word. At length I felt determined to try the effect of 
prayer by rule. So I fell upon my knees for the purpose of 
repeating the same words as before, but I had scarcely 
begun to speak, before I commenced struggling. The Devil 
tempted me most maliciously, but by far the stronger in- 
fluence constrained me to pray. My soul was all on fire, 
and in a moment my power of speech was taken away from 
me, so that I agonised before God, struggling with tears 



80 AUTO-BIOGRAPH¥. 

and groans. After a long time spent in this exercise, 
my speech returned, my tongue was loosed, and I criod out 
in the ecstacy of my soul, O! God ! what is truth? O ! God 
give me truth- If Moses is true give me Moses. If Christ 
is true give me Christ. Thus I agonised before God, when 
presently there appeared to me, (as it were,) the full form of 
Jesus Christ, stretehed on the cross before my face. I 
looked at him without fear, and such a smile as he gave me 
would require the tongue of angels to speak of. In a mo- 
ment more all my doubts vanished, and these words took 
possession of my mind, "I am the truth." My soul leaped 
within me, and in a moment more I was enabled to apply 
the scripture assurance of pardon to myself. I felt that all 
my sins were pardoned. The scriptures of God were opened 
wide to me, so that I could receive the promises. My ter- 
ror of Death, Judgment and Eternity, was at once removed. 
Oh ! that I could have died that moment. Not my will, but 
thine,*0! God, be done. I felt like a pardoned criminal and 
shouted glory, glory, glory to God ; I'm free, I'm free. I 
jumped to my feet, my candle was burned down to the 
socket, but the whole solitary warehouse was illuminated 
to me. My soul magnified the Lord. I telt as it I should 
never experience another pang. 

'Twas a heaven below. 

My Redeemer to know, 
And tke Angels eould do nothing moi'e, 

Than to fall at his feet. 

And the story repeat. 
And the Saviour of sinners adore. 

For a time my words were directed to the only channel, 
I'm free, I'm* free, glory to God, I'm free. O ! what a beauti- 
ful religion to adore the Lamb of God ! I could now think 
of "His blood" with a sensation of mingled joy and grief. 
The spell was broke ; the curse was removed ; the Devil 
was conquered, and my poor soul was set at liberty. Bless 
the Lord, O ! my soul, and all that is within me bless his holy 
name. 

Being in a state of perfect exhaustion I threw myself 



AUTO-BlUGRAI'llY. 81 

upon my bed, but not to sleep. About midnight I thought 
that 1 was walking in most transcendently cloudless weath- 
er ; quickly there gathered, as it were, above my head a 
cloud the blackest that I ever saw. While I was gazing at 
it, there suddenly presented itself from its centre a most bril- 
liant orb, round as the moon but bright as the sun, and it shed 
its rays exclusively upon me, still I was able to bear a full 
front and look at it without dazzling my eyes. Enraptured 
I cried out, What is it, Lord? A voice answered, "Light out 
of darkness." O! Lord, I cried, is it me ? Yes, was the reply, 
and the whole disappeared. It was but a short time after 
this, on the same night, I thought that my room was filled 
with venomous reptiles of every description. Among them 
was one of huge size, which acted as the chief. At first I 
shrunk from them, when presently they formed a double 
line, facing* each other, the chief at the head, and I was 
obliged to walk the gauntlet the whole length. At first I 
was much afraid, but my fear subsided when I saw that 
as I was about to pass the ''Old Serpent" he darted at 
me, but could not reach me ; and as I walked between the 
files, they individually attempted to seize me in their com- 
plicated folds, but still they were unable to harm me. When 
I saw that, I folded my arms and walked pass them fear- 
lessly. Every step I took increased their rage and my 
courage, on I went until I arrived at the end of the walk,, 
where stood my father exceedingly mad, with a club in his 
uplifted arms, threatening to destroy me. But he, too, was 
restrained from hurting me. In surprise, I stood awhile 
looking steadily and fearlessly at him, when the whole was 
removed. 

I laid until sunrise meditating upon what I had just ex- 
perienced, and concluded that both visions related to my 
future experience. With reference to my first, I understood 
it to say, that I was to be "Light out of Darkness," and that 
hereafter I must be separate from my former darkness, as 
becomes a regenerated soul. Mv second vision I under- 
L 



82 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

stood to refer to my future tribulation, that I should have 
to pass through files of foes, that my father would be my 
greatest enemy, yet I should be miraculously preserved, 
and sustained, and that I should bear testimony to the truth 
of God in Jesus Christ, before many of my enemies, and 
that they should spend thir rage in vain. How far these 
thoughts had any bearing upon my after destiny, I shall, in 
its proper place, show. 

When the day dawned, it introduced new joys for me. 
The air smelt more fragrant than usual, the sun shone more 
beautifully, and every natural object was to me more charm- 
ing than ever. Never had I beheld the "Beauty of the 
Lord" shine so resplendently as on that sacred morning. 
The all glorious I am, the blessed Saviour, had taken up 
his residence in my poor heart. The Devil had ceased his 
temptations, for a season, so that my mind was perfectly 
calm. O! how I loved the Lord; my heart did truly magni- 
fy the Lord. While I was musing upon the glorious ex- 
perience of my soul, exulting and praising the great God, 
my reflections were broken by the ringing of the shop bell. 
It was the faithful boy Thomas, who had come at his usual 
hour, always the first of all the workmen. In a moment a 
thousand thoughts rushed across my mind, as to what course 
to pursue. Should I at once make known to him my rejoic- 
ing, or should I watch a convenient opportunity ? With- 
out determining, I ran and opened the door, and uncon- 
scouslv smiled as he entered. He looked at me suspiciously 
and passed the compliment, Good morning, Sir, you appear 
very pleasant this morning, Sir ! ! My heart swelled full, I 
turned away ; after a minute or two I ventured to go him, 
determined to unbosom my feelings at once. I threw my 
arms round his neck, which he in a moment shook off, and 
breaking loose from me, he charged me with being too 
foolish, rebuking me severely for my conduct, (for he 
took me to be intoxicated, supposing that I had been revel- 
ling all night.) I knew, I felt that my former conduct had 



AUTO- B10GR ATII Y. 83 

merited all this rebuke, but present circumstances being 
such that no one on earth could dream of, called from me a 
fair expression of my feelings. 1 should have spoken at once, 
but my utterance was so choked that I turned away and 
wept aloud. What's the matter, Sir? enquired Thomas. O! 
Thomas, 1 replied, can God certainly forgive me? He has 
forgiven me, and can't you ? The poor fellow looked quite 
confused and asked, what do you mean, Sir? His countenance 
alternately brightened and darkened. He wept and laughed. 
"Now," he exclaimed, "God has answered my prayer. When 
you used to persecute me for my Jesus sake," said he, "you 
know that I never retaliated." "And do you remember, Sir," 
he asked, "when you tried to put my head in the dog trough? 
I do, I replied. "Well," sa id he, "you hurt me very much, and I 
went and toldjmy Heavenly Father of you." "Now, Sir," said 
he "I forgive you from my heart, but remember, there is be- 
fore you a hot trial, a heavy persecution." Here his eyes filled 
with tears. "I wont stay here," said he, "to see it, because I 
can not help you, and it must be so, God be your helper. His 
grace will be sufficient for you, and I shall leave your fathers 
employ as soon as possible," which he did on the next Satur- 
day night, without assigning any reason. Although my 
father offered him an increase of wages, he could not be pre- 
vailed upon to stay. Thus, after he had served my father 
above seven years voluntary servitude for fair weekly wages, 
he stays long enough to have his prayers answered in 
the conversion of my poor, poor, Jewish darkened soul, and 
then, without a future prospect of gaining a living, he went 
to Chichester about 60 miles distant, that he might not see 
my approaching persecution. He patiently waited until I 
was on the road to glory ; then he said, amen, and left me 
to travel on. I believe that I shall meet him in glory, and 
how surprised he will be when he sees me there. ' But 
no body will be more surprised than myself. Never have 
my spirits, before or since been so sunk within me as on 
the Saturday night when we parted privately. "You will 



84 AUTO-EIOGR APH Y. 

not be alone" said he, "for God will be with you/' I buried 
my face and wept, and when he turned to leave me my 
heart swelled to breaking, so great was my love for him. 

For some time after this I was gloomy and sad. The 
Devil took advantage of my weakness, so that my feet well 
nigh slipped, but my blessed God sustained me, and revived 
my fainting hope, so that I rejoiced in God again. I soon 
found that this stroke was sanctified to me. It taught me 
the important lesson, not to make flesh my arm, but to trust 
in God for strength and for all. 

I now began to entertain serious apprehension for the 
welfare of my dear father and all the family. I wrestled 
with God in prayer for them individually, but the more I 
prayed for them, the more I was excited to pray for man- 
kind at large. Thus was my spirit stirred within me until I 
felt as if I could take the world in my arms, and with the 
people fly away to glory. These impressions have not even 
now left me. God forbid that they should. I trace my call 
to the ministry back to this early period, and glory to God, I 
have endeavored to improve my opportunities from that time 
to this. Yes, dear reader, I love your soul too. O ! then be 
persuaded to love my blessed Jesus. 

My countenance soon assumed a different aspect from 
what it had for months past, which was noticed by my 
relations. They were not a little perplexed to find out what 
had wrought so sudden a change, but as I was not pre- 
pared to tell them, they were obliged to remain in their 
ignorance for the present. 

I now resolved to go and see the amiable , and tell 

her how "His Blood" had atoned for me, but recollecting my 
past conduct, I deemed it imprudent to go until I had openly 
avowed myself to be a Christian. 

I now began to think seriously about being baptized in the 
Christian faith, but fearing the consequences, I resolved 
at length to seek for Christian counsel. After I had 
made solemn prayer to God, I concluded upon finding, the 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. S3 

minister whom I had heard preach. Having enquired 
of many passing strangers, I was at last directed to his 
house, whither I instantly repaired. Never shall I forget 
what were my peculiar emotions of mind when I had actu- 
ally knocked at his door, which was opened before I had 
time for reflection. I was received by the venerable man 
of God with Christian courtes}", who being in the habit of 
having Pilgrims knock at his door, soon read the nature of 
my business with him, by the expression of great concern 
on my countenance. He introduced the subject and en- 
couraged me to speak. His kind words distilled on my 
heart, my nerves gathered strength, so that I was ena.bled to 
tell him my simple story, and concluded with expressing a 
wish to be baptised. He wept, and his pious wife by his 
side wept aloud. For a few minutes he appeared to be ab- 
sorbed in thought. On recovering, he fixed his penetrating 
eye and addressed me: "Mr. Davis, (said he) if your story is 
true, you have much to encounter. Remember, Sir, you are 
rich, young and respected. If you embrace Christianity, 
you will have to sacrifice all you are worth on earth for 
Christ's sake. Now sit down and count the cost. You have 
got the same Bible that I have ; the same God whom I wor- 
ship ; go home to your father's house, and pray to God to 
give you direction. Read your Testament again, particu- 
larly the Epistles. If, when you shall have considered de- 
liberately what you are about to undertake, and suffer for 
Christ's sake, you then conclude to take up your cross, then 
come back and tell me. And may the God of Abraham, 
and of Isaac, and of Jacob, direct you." He took hold of 
my hand to bid me farewell. He gave me another parting 
benediction. My heart and e) es filled up to the brim, and 
I turned and left the good man's house to consider more fully 
my ways. On my way home the Devil tempted me severe- 
ly. Consider, said he, what you must sacrifice for the sake 
of a crucified man. Take care of your reputation. You 
are just as well off as you are. But if you will have him^ 



86 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

why not be quiet about it? Hang on to your property, you 
fool, you will lose it all if you are baptised, neither is it ne- 
cessary that you should be baptised. Thus I was tempted 
until I arrived in sight of home, when suddenly I awoke, 
(as it were,) from a dream, and being sensible that I was 
under the delusion of the Devil, I cried, get thee behind me, 
Satan, for Christ is my rock. On arriving home I com- 
menced reading the Testament again, beginning at the 
Epistles,and ending with the Gospels. After a very 
earefiii reading, and weighing well every word and doc- 
trine, I concluded to be baptized in the Christian faith. 

Having now determined upon this conclusion, my mind 
was led to contemplate the astonishing position that I occu- 
pied. Already I began to feel as an outcast. The cup 
began to taste bitter. I weighed well every thought that 
I spent in relation to Christian^, especially in reference to 
uniting myself to the Church. I looked well to the legacy, 
"In the world ye shall have tribulation," yet there was 
reason to take courage, since Christ by his sufferings had 
overcome the world. I weighed well the fact that if I em- 
braced Christianity openly, that I should have to sacrifice 
all that was dear to me on earth. The thought too, of part- 
ing with my dear relations, and that perhaps, forever, was 
like a poignard in my soul. In quiet reflection, upon the 
sacred word, a tear would ever and anon involuntarily 
trickle down my cheek and fall upon my open Testament. 
In a moment I was aroused to a sense of feeling hard to be 
described ; but it never failed to lead me to the throne of 
grace on my knees in prayer to God. During such devo- 
tional exercises, my soul would often be led out in contem- 
plation of my Saviour's love, until I wished myself from 
earth to be at home with God. Earth had no more charms 
for me. Nothing but Jesus appeared lovely to me, and to 
follow him I was determined, at any sacrifice, (by the grace 
of God.) I expected to pay my life for my religion, but 



AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 87 

even that I could not hold dear, so that I could win and fol- 
low my blessed Lord. 

While I was thus moving on in the strength of my new 
master, with my contemplations wholly engrossed in him, 
so that I could not rest in silence, my peace of mind was 
suddenly marred by new temptations of the Devil. ''See," 
said he, "how can you approach your father to tell him the 
most dreadful story that you have turned your coat ? It 
will break his heart, and you will be guilty of bringing his 
gray hairs down with sorrow to the grave, before which 
time, however, you will be made to feel what it is to thus 
disobey an indulgent parent." The effect of these sugges- 
tions produced disquietude of mind. I listened to Satan's 
voice, and well nigh concluded to hold my peace, and keep 
my new religion ty myself. But here the merciful God in- 
terfered, and kindly whispered, "Whoso loveth father or 
mother, sister or brother, houses or lands, more than me, is 
not worthy of me," True, my faithless heart responded, 
but then what an outcast shall I be on earth, separated from 
all that is dear to me, and hated by them I love. Here 
reason interposed and asked, "How can you doubt a dear 
Saviour's protection ?" Another opposing difficulty here in- 
troduced itself as an almost insurmountable barrier. That 
year my father was chosen by the Synagogue to fill an 
honorable office, which brought him under the special notice 
of the whole J e wish community. Now if I declared myself 
to be a Christian, it would not only add to his mortification, 
but entail upon him disgrace, and bring myself under the 
more particular notice of the community, thereby render- 
ing my situation ten-fold more precarious, and my life in 
ten-fold more imminent danger. I fully expected that I 
should be decoyed among them and privately murdered. 
The more I looked at this side of the question, the darker it 
appered to grow, and in all probability I should have 
yielded to these Satanic impulses had not the blessed Jeha- 
vah again interposed with a tripple tongued voice, which 



88 AUTO- BIOGRAPHY. 

pealed upon my soul like inspiration, "He that is for 
me is more than all they who are against me." In a mo- 
ment I received encouragement, and in ecstacy cried, 
courage thou, my soul, trust thou in God, "for I shall soon 
praise him who is the health of my countenance." 

The day passed away and ushered in a tranquil night. 
Satan had been repulsed, and for a little season was 
quiet. All my cowardly fears were removed, and I resolved 
to make known my sentiments to my dear father as soon as 
possible, and my glorious God gave me strength to receive 
his promises, thus fortifying my soul for the approaching 
tornado. That night I slept and dreamed of perfect and 
permanent bliss. Mine was the victory. But when I awoke 
I was disappointed at finding myself still upon this sin- 
cursed earth. Still my faith in God was steadfast. O! how 
I loved my blessed Saviour, and how did I feel towards those 
who loved him too ! This day was to settle the question, 
whether my dear aged father should know that his son 
was no longer a Jew, as I had by the grace of God, 
concluded upon professing myself a Christian. 

It was Saturday, when, according to Jewish custom, all 
business should be suspended; yet according to my father's 
custom, he continued operations all day, but he himself 
went to the Synagogue. I waited in the most intensely 
painful anxiety for the family's return, that I might unbur- 
den my soul. In a few hours they arrived at the warehouse. 
The ladies retired to the show room, to select some artifi- 
cials, and my unsuspecting father was walking the ware- 
house floor. 

Now is your time, said a voice. Hold ! stop ! not yet ! 
said another. Embrace the present moment, said con- 
science. Remember what you will suffer, said the Devil. 
My blessed Savour ! said faith. In a moment I was on the 
floor with my parent. He saw me at once. Father, I cried, 
(and approached him,) I've found the Messiah of whom 
Moses in the Law, and the Prophets did write, he is Jesus 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 80 

ot Nazareth. O! my dear father, I love him, and you will 
be lost if you don't love him too. He stood several minutes 
gazing on me with speechless surprise. At length he 
broke silence with a deep toned curse upon my soul, and 
raising his voice to its highest pitch, "Now I know, Sir," said 
he, "what has been the matter with you for the last nine or 
ten months," and raising his voice to frantic screaming, he 
cried, "you're going to turn Christian, a Christian you'll go 
to hell, to hell, to hell ;"' and again he murmured a deep 
toned curse. In a moment more he cast upon me a look 
of scorn which bespoke his most sovereign contempt, and 
rushing past me he flew up stairs to apprise the ladies, 
Down came my step mother and two sisters, screaming like 
panthers : "May sudden death sieze you, you villain," criecf 
my father. "May you be hanged with the crucified one f 
and afterward sent to hell," cried my step mother. "He is- 
drunk," said my younger sister, and away she ran to fetch' 
a decanter of liquor, and thrusting it in my face, "Here," said 1 
she, "drink more and die." At that moment my brother 
came in, and if he had had a thousand ears every tympanum 
would have rung, as they all at once rushed at him to tell 
him about his brother, the "Meshamad."* He rawed and 
swore foaming oaths, and called aloud upon his God to 
damn my soul, and picking up an old shoe, threw it at me r . 
which struck me on the head, "Here, take it, you fool " said 
he, "you will shortly creep about the street barefoot be-°" o 'in<^ 
your bread." My elder sister who had been fastened to the- 
spot, tongue-tied with surprise and anger until now, at length 
gave vent to her feeling. Her eyes flashed fire; she forgot 
that she was a woman, and she cursed me with a deep and 
bitter curse and swore with a most cruel oath, that if ever I 
eat another meal in her presence, that she would contrive 
some way to'poison me. Up to this moment I had remained 
motionless on the spot where I first accosted my father, 



* A name of reproach to a converted Jew. 
M 



90 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

when presently one of them pushed me aside, calling me an 
automatom, and left me. My father went to counsel with 
his clerk, (of infidel memory,) who was regarded by 
him as being a Christian, who, in fact, was a wretched 
infidel ; he of course opposed me, and so he added fuel to 
the fire of my persecution. 

It was done. I had confessed my Lord openly. The 
spell was broke, and Satan fled from the sacred spot where 
Jesus smiled. I retired to my room and praised my God* 
Toward evening I went home, and on entering I beheld a 
scene which will ever be indelibly stamped upon the tablet 
of my memory. My father was sitting on a chair, leaning 
his head upon a table and crying aloud. All the family were 
round him, leaning over, and dropping their tears on him* 
On my entering, I was first saluted by my step mother, "May 
God strike you dead, look, you villain, look at the tears you 
cause your lather and us to shed," "0!my brother, my 
brother," sobbed my brother, ' I would rather see you a corpse 
at my feet, than you should be a Christian." In a moment 
his tears gave way for revenge : "The dread of being hung 
at the Old Baily, as a murderer, (said he,) alone deters me 

from blowing your brains out." "Get out of the 

room," screamed my maddened sisters. "May your 
mother's ghost haunt you, and your grand mother terrify 
you in the night time." "Send him out of my sight,, and 
shut the door on him," replied my father. With an aching 
heart and streaming eyes I left the house, and would have 
remained out, but my brother came immediately after me, 
and appearing to be considerably softened down, bade me 
to go down into the kitchen with the servants. "Perhaps," 
said he, "you may change your opinion," and taking from me 
the keys of the warehouse, desired me to lodge at home that 
night, and that he would lodge at the warehouse, which I 
did, and never since that time have I stepped foot into the 
room where I obtained the first pardon of my sins. The 
next being Lord's day, I went openly to church, to hear Rev. 



AIJTO-BIOCRArilY. 01 

Jno. Peacock preach the glorious gospel, and never from 
my birth did I enjoy such tranquility of mind and freedom 
spirit. The discourse was directed to afflicted saints. 
It gave me great comfort. I left the place with a joyful 
heart, but on arriving at home, I was made sorry again at 
having to encounter a similar scene to what I did on the 
preceding night. Where have you been, Meshamad ? was 
the first question. To the Christian Church, I boldly replied. 
Ah! said they, you and the Christians will all go to hell 
together. 

On the following day, I called upon Mr. Peacock, and 
spent a most delightful season of religious intercourse with 
him. Again I desired baptism, but he advised delay in 
consequence of the delicate situation in which I was then 
placed at home. I asked him if it would be my duty to vol- 
untarily leave home. He answered no, for that would be 
making my own cross. He advised me to "stand still and 
seethe salvation of the Lord." And after the man of God 
had offered an especial prayer for me, 1 left his pious house. 

This interview inspired me with fresh courage in the 
cause of God. Every day I grew bolder and spoke of Christ 
freely, while my Bible was my constant companion. The 
family finding that I was growing bold in Christianity, 
fanned the persecution. They placed a most critical watch 
over my movements, and so severe were they, that they 
filched from me all my books, except my pocket testament. 
They locked up from me all my clothes, except what I had on. 
My jewelry was taken from me and my weekly allowance of 
money was stopped. This being done, my father addressed 
me : "Now, Sir, I want you to know that you are a disgrace 
to my family; you have forsaken your God, to worship a 
blasphemer and robber who was hanged. You call your- 
self a Christian, consequently you have cut yourself off from 
your family privileges. Hereafter I forbid you eating in 
my presence, neither may you sit in the same room with the 
family, your place is the cellar kitchen until you recant 



92 Auto-biograph v. 

If you return to your God and curse the Nazarene, I'll 
make you rich, Til take you into partnership in my business, 
and at my death I'll leave you more than your share." 

Beneath the sneers of the family, I submitted to my lot, 
and took up my residence in the kitchen with the gentile 
domestics. Immediately upon entering 1 produced the 
stolen Testament to its owner, and when I had told my story 
the kitchen became more brilliant than the parlour. O ! 
what a palace is the place where Jesus is ! This malicious 
conduct of my father served only as a cudgel raised 
against me to break their own heads with, and to bind me 
closer to my blessed Saviour. I courted Christian society ; 
I recognised no particular denomination ; I loved my Sa- 
viour and his followers, and! longed to be united with them. 
When I was abroad in their society, then I greatly rejoiced, 
but when I arrived at home again I felt dreary. Not a day 
was permitted to pass, without an effort being made by dif- 
ferent Jewish individuals to reclaim me. Threats, blows and 
bribes were alternately resorted to, without effect. My 
brother would frequently throw his arms around my neck, 
and while dropping his tears on my shoulder, would sob out, 
"must we part." But if I attempted to talk with him about 
the blessed Saviour, he would angrily retort upon me with, 
"I want none of him." Then as though he was dead to all 
sympathy and feeling, he would plentifully deal out his in- 
vectives. "Fool, that you are," said he, "you are standing 
in your own light, you are blind to your own interest. Now 
you may be respected and rich. Our father is growing old, 
he will soon die, and then this property will be yours." Then 
softening down a little, he would again beg me to recant. 
"0 ! do recant ; your father has taken an oath, that if you 
will not, he will disinherit you, and kick you oat of his house, 
and shut his doors against you forever. You will then be 
poor, despised and hated by every body ; you can not get 
your own living ; you are not used to work ; you will starve 
to death in the poor-house ; you will wander up and down 



AOTO-BIOGRAPHt. O.'J 

the streets barefoot, and begging- your bread from door to 
door. Then I will spurn and shun you, and refuse you a 
morsel from my door. The Christians, too, will hate you, 
for nobody loves a traitor. Remember your mother who 
gave you birth, she worshiped our God ; remember your 
grand mother who raised you in that same faith ; they both 
died Jewesses and are now in heaven. If you now turn 
traitor to them and their God, their ghosts will trouble you 
% d a ) r , while you are begging your bread, and terrify you 
at night, while you are lying on your pallet of straw. You 
are breaking your father's heart, and he too, will soon die. 
See my tears ; see your own interest : see your property." 
Then throwing his arms round my neck, "O ! come, my only 
dear brother, back again to our bosoms, you may yet be 
happy and rich." Here he would feel at a loss to know 
what other inducement he could offer, and feeling maddened 
at the Christians, who he said were sealing my ruin, he 
would let off a volley of blasphemy against my blessed 
Lord and Master. That was enough for me. One word 
spoken against my Lord so effectually wounded my soul, 
that every kind word, spoken in my behalf, ceased to have 
any effect upon me. Such was the poor fellow's zeal for my 
recantation, that he had no respect for truth, provided he 
could succeed in fabcriating the smallest ray of hope for my 
recovery. More than once he told the family that he had 
well nigh prevailed upon me to recant. But when they 
saw that I was a Christian still, their malice was vented 
against me in full. In this manner I lingered along for 
several weeks, longing all the time to be unclothed from 
this clay tenement, that I might the more effectually be 
clothed by-Christ's righteousness. 

One day my trials of mind were peculiarly severe in con- 
sequence of the many that assailed me on all hands. The 
malice that they vented had a tendency to discourage me. 
But nothing cut me so deeply as when I saw my own dear 
father coming toward me for the first time, with tears stand- 



9i AUT0-BI0GR Am 5E . 

ing in his aged eyes. He wept over me, begging* me to 
recant and tarn to the God of Abraham. My father's 
tears. They cut the deepest. How could I resist them. 
Hear how he pleads with me to curse my blessed Jesus. 
Look ! see, his tears drop on me. Oh ! my heart, my heart, 
it swelled to bursting. I could not shed a tear. My brain 
became feverish, and my frame trembled. Satan flew over 
my head, and overshadowed me with his black insinuations. 
Not a word could I speak to my sobbing parent. At length 
lie left me, almost distracted. When he was gone I retired 
to my chamber ; my sky was cloudy ; all was dark and 
gloomy. I clapped my hand to my forehead, and rashly con- 
demned the scene for delusion. Truly, said I, Christ is an 
imposter. Why must I suffer so much. There is no God, 
no Devil, no Judgment, no Eternity. Then why this an- 
guish. O ! death, come death to my relief. At the impulse 
of the moment I seized a razor and opened it. Now death, 
I cried, come to my relief. Just as I was in the act of com- 
mitting the unpardonable sin, the Almighty God interposed, 
and caused a deathly agonising trembling to seize me, 
which so terrified me, that I threw the murderous weapon 
across the room. As I looked at the shattered instru- 
ment lying upon the floor, I was forcibly admonished of 
God's truth, that "no murderer hath eternal life abiding in 
him." 

Some few days passed by, leaving me still in a dull, cloudy 
state of mind. At length, in God's own time, when his glo- 
rious purpose was fulfilled, the clouds began to disperse, 
and showed the ethereal blue of the expanse of God's love 
above me. After some solemn reflection and prayer, I be- 
came sensible that I had been lying in the "Slough of Des- 
pond." In my meditation, I thought that I was standing 
upon the brink of Hell, fearlessly sporting with death ; at a 
short distance from me stood my insulted Saviour, holding 
out tender inducements for me to leave that spot, and come 
to him for protection. I stood awhile to gaze on either 



AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 95 

hand, but the beauty of the Lord overcame me. I imme- 
diately fled to the throne of grace to weep out my prayer 
of contrition, and glory, glory, thrice glory to the blessed 
Saviour, the Devil ceased to tempt me, and again I 
stood "firm in the liberty wherewith Christ made me free." 
O ! that I may never, never "again be entangled with the 
yoke of bondage." Two months passed away, and by the 
grace of God, I was still pursuing my Christian course. 

It was now the month of September, 1831, (the same 
month on which my mother died,) that God, in his mercy, 
resolved to "shorten those days," of tribulation in order to 
perfect my salvation. One Friday, after my father had 
exhausted his patience in endeavoring to provoke me 
to renounce my Saviour, he grew literally mad against 
me, and resolved to put a stop to so much religion if 
possible. In order to accomplish his purpose, he suffered 
his bosom to be inspired with Bonner's spirit, and so re- 
sort to harsh means. Immediately calling me to him, he 
commenced insulting me with words like these, "Chris- 
tian, Turncoat, Meshamad, Pool, Beggar," and fingering his 
watch seals with one hand, and rattling money in his pocket 
with the other, "Poor beggar," he sneered, k< you maybe rich; 
stubborn fool that you are, why do you persist in your present 
course ?" Straightening himself, and raising his voice ; 
"Hear me, Sir," said he, "I will give you until to-morrow 
night to make up your mind whether you will recant or not. 
If you will, I will be more than a father to you ; but if you 
will not, I'll turn you out of doors, and cut you off with a 
shilling. Then you may go to hell with your Christians." 
He turned from me, and I went and rehearsed the matter in 
the ears of the Lord. On the next morning, I rose early 
and left the house before breakfast, thinking that thereby 
I should shun my now infuriated father's face for one day, 
expecting that he would retire to the Synagogue. I pre- 
sumed that he would hardly put his threats into execution 
as soon as he had stated. In order that I might be 



Otf AUTO-BIOGRATHY. 

somewhat retired, I repaired to the warehouse, hardly ex- 
pecting to see any of the family until the afterpart of the ■ 
day, but scarcely had I arrived there ere my father ap- 
peared before me. Determined to carry out his threats 
that night, he had sought me early to put me on the look 
out. Maddened at the thought that he had to come to the 
warehouse after me on the "holy day," he commenced 
swearing most awfully at me. "Now, Sir," said he. "take 
your place at that corner of the warehouse, (pointing with 
his finger,) and stay there till this night ten o'clock. 
Make up your mind by that time what, you intend to 
do." I obeyed, and took possession of the gloomy recess. 
There I spent the day in fasting and prayer to God. Short- 
ly my poor, afflicted brother arrived, and advancing toward 
me, he buried his face in his handkerchief with both hands, 
and wept aloud. I looked on him in pity and wept too. 
"Recant," said he. My blessed Saviour, said I. "He's an 
imposter," he answered. Hove him, said I. "Infatuation,'' 
he replied. I have the evidence in my soul, I answered. At 
that he grew angry, and commenced portraying the misery 
he could conjecture that would be consequent upon my 
being turned out of doors. "To-night," said he, "your father 
will/lecide your case, and you will perish in the street. O ! 
how can you be so blind to your own interest ? Do recant. 
Shall I tell father that you have recanted ? O ! my dear 
brother, shall I say that you recant." He stood over me, 
persuading and entreating me so long, that I was just upon 
the very verge of yielding, but ere I yielded to his impor- 
tunities, I experienced seasonable help from God ; so that I 
was enabled to hang upon the promises of the Scriptures, 
and stand firm. He left me, but in a very short time returned 
with a message from my father, and presenting before me 
money declared that if I would recant, that the large 
amount should be immediately put into my hands. For a 
moment I was completely staggered. My whole living was 
now at my immediate disposal. I could have reached out 



AUTO-BIOGRA?liT, M 

my greedy hands, and have grasped Mammon, bat God 
spoke, "Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth." Go 
away, said I, let me alone, for "miserable comforters are ye 
all." "Fool," said he, "let the worst come upon you, who 
will pity you?" In an hour or two afterward my father 
came within a pace or two of where I stood, he looked at 
me, his expression altering from contempt to revenge; pre- 
sently his countenance assumed a feature of pity ; he turned 
away without saying a word ; but I saw tears fail from his 
eyes to the floor, although he tried to suppress them. This 
was Satan's opportunity, "see said he what anguish you are 
causing your father; and consider what anguish he will 
cause you." This temptation had well nigh the desired 
effect. My soul was cast down and more than once I ac- 
tually stepped out of my corner, to sign my recantation and 
ask my father's forgiveness. Like inspiration the thought 
flashed across my mind, "He weeps because you will not 
disown your Saviour and with him go to hell. Enter into 
life halt and maimed." The thought startled and strength- 
ened me, and blessed be God, I became firmer than ever.- 
In an hour or two my sisters and step mother arrived, covered 
with jewels, artificials, and streaming feathers. They 
stalked near to where I was and then commenced twitter- 
ing, sniggering, grinning and satyrising. "Christian,'' said 
one ; "Christian thief," said another. "Fool," said another. 
"You'll suffer, you rascal." "You'll repent of all this." 
"You'll die in the work house, and then, go to hell." When 
they were tired of that amusement they wished me unani- 
mously a meshonmeshina * and then they retired to the 
show room to select more artificials. Thus they spent the 
great and holy seventh day. Their course actually disgust- 
ed me,- and I turned my back upon them as they were leav- 
ing me, and renewed my vow of love to my blessed Saviour. 
Ten times that day I was on the very verge of recanting, 

*Suddert death, dreaded much by the Jews. 
N 



®$ AtrTO-BIOGHAPHY. 

but every time I was favored with such clear views of 
God's saving grace, and the word of his truth, that I was 
enabled to bless God and take courage. At about five 
o'clock in the evening the Devil ceased to tempt me and I 
began to glorify God, for I experienced such strength of 
soul as to enable me to form a determination to suffer 
for my blessed Lord; so that had all the fires and 
faggots of Mary and Bonnea been placed before me, 
I could have endured their utmost torture, rather than 
have swerved from confessing my Lord and Saviour. 
Men and Devils now left me to enjoy a serene mind pre- 
paratory to the hour of trial, 10 o'clock ; I prayed for the 
worst, I was ready to meet it. A little after nine all the 
hands were paid off, the place was closed, and all the gas 
lights were put out but one. Now, said Satan, prepare to 
die. But he could not move me, for i was prepared and 
expected death. Nothing daunted, my faith was in Cod, 1 
was unmoved. Let it come said I, let it come. About 10 
o'clock my father and I were alone. He took his position 
at the far corner of the warehouse and summoned me to 
appear before him. At that moment a thought like inspi- 
ration, presented to my mind my Saviour before Pilate, and 
a voice seemed to say, "Keep your Master, Christ, before you 
for a pattern." I obeyed the summons and stood before 
Mm. For a few minutes not a word was said, when pre- 
sently he commenced mocking and deriding me. "What 
do you look like ?" asked he, ''you look like what you are, a 
Christian ;" raising his voice, "well, sir," he roared, "are you 
willing to part with me?" You, sir, I replied, are a good 
father to me, you know that I love you, you know that I 
don't deserve this persecution. If I am wrong in my reli- 
gious views, let us sit down with the Bible in hand and 
shew me wherein. "You, sir," he replied, "have nothing to 
do but what I tell you, I shall be answerable in the day of 
judgment for you." That, sir, said I, may be Rabbi, but it 
is not Bible. "Tell me, sir," said he, "would you rather part 



AUTO- BIOGRAPHY. « 

with me or Christ?" I'm ready, said I, to make ten thousand 
sacrifices, even of you, much as I love you, and all that you 
are worth, but don't take from me my Saviour. On hearing 
that he screamed and cried; he would have spoken but his 
passion choked him, and throwing himself across a large 
mahogany desk he sobbed aloud. Presently he jumped up, 
cursing and swearing, and running toward me with uplifted 
umbrella, "Tell me once for all," he roared out, "are you a 
Christian ?" I answered, I am. At that he cursed my soul 
again and again. "Now," said he, "go to the Christians, and 
see if they will give you a meals victuals," and taking hold 
of the collar of my coat he kicked me from his house, and 
having locked the door he came up to me and shook his list 
in my face, and cursed me with a most horrid curse, saying 
at the same time, "you'll repent this." At that moment I 
thought I heard most melodious voices singing, "when thy 
father and thy mother forsake thee, then the Lord will take 
thee up." Father, said I, I shall never repent it, but you will. 

His heart hardened, mine softened, and as he turned 
upon his heels to leave me, I wondered that a parent could 
be so weaned from a child. In a moment I was thrown from 
affluence to poverty. The night was cool and damp, and 
for the first time in my life I had no bed to lie upon. My 
clothes were shabby, and pockets nearly empty ; neither did 
I know where I should get my next meal from. I did not 
know a single person in whom I eould repose confidence but 
the poor. boy Thomas, and he was far off. Filled with mor- 
tifying reflections growing out of my situation, I could not 
help weeping. I walked toward home and stood opposite 
to the well known and well lighted house; I saw company 
round the lieu tables playing cards. For a time I stood 
contemplating the scene which was drawn before me ; I 
was well nigh tempted to enter, but being conscious that 
there was no admittance for me, with a heavy heart 1 
turned away. I resolved upon trying to get admittance in 
the warehouse. I walked toward the solitary place, (in con- 



Tmi AUTO-BIOGBAPHY. 

stant dread of being taken up by the police, it being late,) 
but all was dark and fastened up there. There was no ad- 
mittance for me. In this 'perplexity, I resolved upon laying 
down upon a door step, and so run the vhk of being locked 
up, then I concluded my situation would be made public, 
and so God would make provision for my sustenance. But 
as high as heaven is above the earth, so high are God's 
thoughts from our thoughts and God's ways from our ways. 
He had already made provision for me that very night, but 
I did not know it. He had truly prepared the way for my 
publicity, not only less mortifying to my weak nature, but 
more honorable to his own glorious cause. 

I had scarcely concluded upon giving myself up to 
chance, when my meditations were interrupted by a sud- 
den tap on my shoulder. I started expecting to see a pat- 
role by my side. But contrary -to my expectation, there 
stood a young man about my own age and size, who gazed 
at me in apparent surprise. 

"Are you in trouble, sir ?" he enquired. I replied/! am. 
"Is your trouble for Christ's sake ?" he asked. I replied, it is. 
" What is the nature of your trouble V he enquired. I have 
this night sacrificed all, I replied. "Well," said he, "my mother 
has been in trouble since 4 o'clock this afternoon ; she has 
had an impression on her mind that she must relieve some 
child of God. And now if you are in want of a home come 
with me, while I have a bed to lie on you shall have part of 
it." I was unable to make any repl\ r , but my heart filled 
up with sensations of gratitude to my God for his compas- 
sion toward me. At his invitation I walked with him to 
his home. On entering he introduced me to his widowed 
mother, who was sitting before the fire with her large fami- 
ly Bible on her knees. She looked at me through her spec- 
tacles, and enquired, "Are you a Christian, young man ?" I 
replied, lam. "Are you in want of a home?" she asked. 
I am, I answered. "Come," said she, "sit down and tell me 
vour story." I did so, and they all wept. "Well," said she. 



ALTO- BIOGRAPHY. 1«» 

(pushing her spectacles to the top of her head,) "about 4 
a'clock this afternoon 1 opened my Testament and the very 
first passage that my eve fell upon was Hebrew xm : 2, 
"Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some 
have entertained angels unawares." "I have," she con- 
tinued, "been strongly exercised since then until now, neither 
could T retire to rest until I told my son George to walk out 
awhile, to see if he could not find some worthy object, I did 
not," continued she, "expect to entertain an angel, but I cer- 
tainly did a stranger. God in his mercy has, therefore, pro- 
vided a home for you in my house, and I will be to you as a 
mother." After a short time George invited to retire with 
him ; we invoked God's presence ; when we were risen 
from our knees, George took my hand in his, and looking 
seriously in my face, "Remember," said he, "the birds of the 
air have their nests, foxes have their holes, but the Son of 
Man had not where to lay his head," but we have. This 
speech had its desired effect upon me. I so filled up that I 
could not reply, and I turned from him, to lie upon my pillow, 
not to sleep, but to anticipate the rising sun, with tears of 
gratitude and words of joy. Already had I seen in myself 
and my foes a full verification of my visions, and full well 
was I made acquainted with the consoling truth, "When my 
father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take 
me up." 

Nearly three weeks of uninterrupted tranquility did I 
enjoy under this benevolent roof, before my relations found 
out where I was. Meanwhile I was watching their move- 
ments, as they were prowling about after me in every direc- 
tion, as though they were in quest of prey. Some time 
afterward I learned that my father had actually expended 
considerable money for the purpose of kidnapping me to 
carry me to a private mad house, but in this they failed, for 
God was my protector. When they found out that I was 
secure and well provided for by the Christians, my father 
sent daily messengers to me with bribes urging me to recant, 



102 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

but when he found that he could not prevail, he threatened 
to prosecute the widow for harboring me under her roof, 
urging as a pretext, that I was a minor. This step excited 
some friends in my behalf, who, by way of retaliation in 
behalf of the widow, threatened my father with suit for my 
board and lodging, etc., urging as a plea, that he had denied 
me an asylum under his roof while I was a minor. This 
state of things operated sorely against me; I could not bear 
the prospect of bringing into collision my Christian friends 
and Jewish foes. I was impressed with the fact that I was 
drawing many parties into trouble, and it was more than I 
could bear. I fell into a desponding state of mind, of which 
the Devil took the greatest advantage. So much did the 
enemy trouble me that I well nigh lost sight of the mercies 
of God ; and rushed upon the "thick bosses of Jehovah's 
buckler," by attempting to commit suicide a second time. 
The house in which I was now living had a well stairway, 
with a sky-light on the top, under which there was secured a 
stout beam about twelve feet long, to which there was 
fastened a pulley and rope, for the purpose of hauling up 
goods. I stood looking at the apparatus and concluded to 
hang myself. No admonition of Scripture had any impres- 
sion upon me. Go on, said the Devil, you are a Jew still, 
therefore you are perfectly safe, and if you are a Christian, 
you must be damned, except you are of the predestinated few. 
Hang yourself and so end your trouble. Such an effect 
had all this upon my already harrassed mind, that I actual- 
ly secured the rope across the beam, and put a slip knot at 
the end, intending the next step to be to fasten it round my 
neck, and then take the fatal jump from off the banister. 
At this moment I heard somebody coming up stairs, when 
one of the sons of the widow presented himself, and began 
talking to me about my father. He told me that he had had 
an interview with him, and that both parties had concluded 
upon withdrawing their suits, and that my father had said 
that he should give himself no more uneasiness or concern 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 103 

about me ; that he did not care what became of me, and that 
I should never step foot in his house again, and that on no 
account would he pay a shilling for me. "Now," said the* 
young man, "you be at rest, we will all help you to get 
into business, so that you may support yourself." This 
message was as a balm to my wounded soul ; my mind 
gradually became tranquil, and I trembled when I became 
sensible of the danger to w T hich I had just been exposed. 
Blessed be God, who frustrated my wicked purpose, that 
his name might be glorified in my future life. I now felt 
ready for Baptism. Accordingly on the next day I went to 
Mr. Peacock to request it. I was cordially received by his 
pious family, and when I made known to him the nature of 
my situation, he expressed his willingness to baptize me. I 
was accordingly Baptized in the baptistery, and received 
into the Church fellowship of Christians in the month of 
December, 1831, in Spencer Place Chapel, Coswell street 
road, London. 

lean not omit mentioning a circumstance that took place 
at my baptism. The Baptists of London are greatly dis- 
accommodated in carrying out the apostolic pattern, by 
repairing to great waters in order to perform the Gospel 
ordinance, in consequence of the great traffic that ex- 
ists upon their only convenient water, the Thames, 
hence their places of worship are all provided with 
Baptisteries. When the evening for my baptism ar- 
rived, the house was crowded to see a Jew baptised. An 
appropriate discourse was delivered, after which I was 
conducted to the water ; I was then led down into the water, 
but just as I was about to be buried in Baptism, a voice from 
the gallery shrieked out, "My Brother," at the same moment 
a young man was just in the act of throwing himself down 
from the gallery, but was prevented by those who sat 
nearest to him, seizing hold of his arms, (as half his body 
leaned over,) and pulled him back in the greatest possible 
excitement. It afterward appeared that the young man 



104 AUTO-BIOGKAPHY. 

was my own only dear brother, who was attracted to a 
Christian place of worship for the very first time in life, to 
witness the closing scene of all his hope that I would ever 
recant, and when he saw me about to be buried in the Chris- 
tian faith, he was so overcome with excitement, as to at- 
tempt suicide and murder by throwing himself from the 
gallery upon the audience beneath. Poor fellow, "he went 
away in a rage." 

When I had come up out of the water, I was accosted 
by a Polish Jew, a convert to the Lord Jesus, and as soon 
as he came near enough to me, he kissed my forehead with 
a holy kiss and bid me God speed. That kiss went to my 
heart, and the presence of a Christianised Jew at this junc- 
ture of time was peculiarly strengthening to me. 

Up to this present time I have led the reader along the 
meandering route of my life and Christian experience, until 
he at last finds me enjoying the privilege of membership 
with the people of God in his militant visible Church. My 
union with the Christian Church was sentimentally, the 
death blow ot hope for my recantation. In the estimation 
of my relations, I was now as dead ; consequently the 
funeral obsequies w r ere performed for me. They mourned 
for me seven days, all the family sitting upon stools, and 
refusing to be comforted. The men wore their beards a 
month. They put on for the occasion their most shabby 
clothes, and eat nothing of any consequence for a week, 
except what was presented to them. Thus they buried me 
in imagination and effigy. My father immediately altered 
his will, entirely disinheriting me, and the more effectually 
to deprive me of a lingering hope to regain a portion of my 
rightful share, he took my brother in partnership with him 
in his business, so that I was effectually cut off from ever 
again associating with any one member of the family. 

In a temporal point of view, I was now poor and depen- 
dant, but in the loss of all my earthly possessions and 
friends, I found "the pearl of great price/ 5 a Heavenly 



* 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 105 

Treasure, a Blessed Saviour, a Glorious Redeemer ; and a 
friend that sticketh closer than a brother. That friend had 
said "fear not it is I," and shall I repine T No, I Count them 
all nought so that I may win Christ. O ! "who shall separate 
us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, 
op persecution, or famine, or nakedness^ or peril, or sword ? 
No ! In all these things we are more than conquerors 
through him that loved us. For I am persuaded that neither 
death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor 
things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor 
any other creature, shall be able to seperate us from the love 
of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Notwithstand- 
ing I was by constraint alienated from all my relations, I 
still maintained some bodily fear of the Jews, many of 
whom, who knew me, were hot against me. It was in con- 
sequence of this, that I found it necessary to be as secluded 
as possible while endeavoring to carry on a small business 
barely sufficient for my support. Finding that I was hedged 
all round, I resolved to set sail for America, which I did on 
the following July of 1832. 

After I had been from home about six months, I one' day 
providentially met my father an the street, and mechanically 
seized hold of his hand ; at first he assumed a pleasing 
aspect, thinking perhaps, that it was the familiar grasp of 
an associate or trader, but when he became satisfied that 
it was me, he scowled his countenance, cursed me for a 
Meshamad, broke loose from my hold, and so passed on. I 
gazed after him with anguish of heart crying- With the 
weeping prophet, "O! that my head were waters and mine 
eyes were a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and 
night for the slain of the daughter of my people." "O ! 
that I had in the wilderness a lodging place of way- 
faring men, that I might leave my people, and go 
from them, for they be all adulterers, an assembly of 
treacherous men." About ten months had now rolled by 
since I had stepped my foot on the threshold of my father's 
O 



# 



105 auto-biography; 

door. I, therefore, resolved to break through all restraint, 
and abruptly enter my once own home to take rny leave 
of those whom I still loved. 

I had now ail things ready for my voyage, and I deter- 
mined if possible to talk to my father once more face to 
face. I watched my opportunity for a Saturday when the 
Whole family would be most likely to be together on their 
return from the Synagogue. I soon found a chance. One 
Saturday as they were all together entering the warehouse, 
I followed at their heels. My sisters and step-mother saw 
me first, and at the impulse of the moment, they ran up stairs 
as if they had seen my ghost. I followed my father to the 
counting house, where I met with a reception correspond- 
ing with my former treatment. As soon as he saw me, he 
knit llis ferows, and demanded of me, "What do you want 
here?" I want, said I, to take my leave of you, and see 
if you have a father's heart. "You are not my son," he 
replied. " Where are you going to?" I am preparing to em- 
bark for America, and do not expect to see you ever again 
until I meet you at the bar of God. "Are you still a Chris- 
tian ?" he enquired. I am. "Go, then, to America," he 
replied, "and mind me, Sir, what I now tell yoti, if you arrive 
safe in America, and there recant, send me word, and I will 
provide you with ample means to return home, but if you 
do not recant, then if you are hanged, murdered, drowned or 
poisoned it will not move me, for I do not care what be- 
comes of you, and if you ever send me a letter I will neither 
read it nor answer it." I then asked permission to see the 
family, which he refused, saying that they did not want to 
see me ever again. This treatment cut me to my heart, and 
a tear filled my eye in spite of all my exertions to suppress 
it. I reached out my hand toward my dear father, and 
raising my voice with an effort, Father, said J, farewell, and 
as my hand was extended still towards "him, he slowly 
moved his toward me, which I no sooner saw, than I seized 
i^t,. and held it with a firm grasp, and looking him full in his 



AUTO BIOGRAPHY. 107 

eye, Father, said 1, farewell for ever ! ! J This touched hint; 
his aged eyes .filled up., and as he gently drew away his 
hand from me, he mattered, (i Go, and I wish you well'' I 
turned away from him, with an almost broken heart. 
During this interview my "brother was standing in the mid- 
dle of the floor listening, and as I turned from my father, 
he presented himself before me. For a minute we stood look- 
ing at each other, and in a moment more were locked in 
each other's arms, both sobbing aloud. Presently I hroke 
loose from his hold, and took his hand in mine, Farewell, dear 
brother, said I, farewell, perhaps for ever. He turned from 
me weeping, and I left the uncharitable place expecting 
never to see it again. I had taken my last farewell of both 
my father and brother, but the female part of the family 
were too hardened to even sympathise for me. Yes, let 
blush bury its face, as I rehearse the astounding fact, that 
all through this tragedy, the female part of the family were 
so lost to sympathy as to treat the whole scene as comedy. 
They never manifested the least anxiety for my recovery. 
But, seemingly lost to female tenderness, their Invectives 
were harsher, and their general conduct more cruel towards 
me, than men could dream of. Father, forgive them 111 
Glory to God, I count it joy that I am worthy of suffering 
persecution for Christ's sake. 

In a few days more 1 was on board the old Whaler, which 
was to bear me over the pathless deep to a stranger's land. 
Here was now to be my abode until it should please God 
to further dispose of me. The first evening after I was on 
board, I was walking the steerage gloomily and sad, con- 
templating my future prospect and situation, reflecting upon 
the hardness of my female relations, the obduracy of my 
father and sorrow of my brother, when presently my medi- 
tations were interrupted by somebody laying hold on my 
shoulder. I turned to see who it was, when, to my great 
surprise, there stood before me my dear brother, who had 
come to make one more effort for my recovery. At first he 



108 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

appeared stupified, but presently he found relief in a copious 
flood of tears. He leaned upon my shoulder to weep, and 
when he was sufficiently recovered to speak he could only 
at first sob out, my brother, my brother, and in broken ac- 
cents he expressed himself for several minutes. When he 
became more composed, he made several valuable propo- 
sals to me to return home. But the proviso of all was that 
I should recant. He laid before me money and promises, 
and felt so sure of success, that he was for ordering to have 
my boxes hauled up out of the ship's hold, having his porter 
in readiness to carry them home. 

Much as I dreaded the ocean, much as I feared the conse- 
quence of standing upon a strange land, much as I loved 
my dear brother, much as I loved the inducements to return 
home, yet, "the love of the Christ constrained me" above all, 
so that I could not recant. The love of God was seated in 
my heart, and I could not be moved. He staid with me until 
dark and then left me disappointed at his failure. Next day 
our ship was towed five miles down the river to take in her 
supply of water. I left the dock of London expecting to 
never again see its ground. I had taken my leave of the 

] 0V ely and her mother, the faithful boy Thomas, and 

my much loved Pastor and Church; I had bid farewell to 
my dear father and brother, and to all that was dear to me, 
even the land of my nativity, for Christ's sake. But I could 
not help contemplating home and past scenes ; the days of 
my boyhood, youthful imaginations, and future prospects, 
and as I contrasted them with my present situation, 1 could 
not refrain from dropping a silent tear. I felt gloomy and 
sad, and my pen can not at this late period correctly por- 
tray what were my heart's emotions. But presently awaken- 
ing, as it were, out of a dream, I was impressed with the 
fact that it was all, all for Christ's sake, and I bowed in sub- 
mission to God's will. 

Early next morning all was on board, and preparations 
for sailing were nearly completed. In the midst of the bus- 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 109 

tie and confusion, and contrary to my expectations, my poor 
dear brother actually stood before me again. In a moment 
he gave vent to his feelings, and in the presence of the ship's 
crew, lie cried out, "Must you go? Will you leave us? 
You'll starve in America, and no body will care for you; 
your father says that he is almost broken hearted, and that 
if you will only say that you recant, and will come 
home, that he will be mere than a father to you." He then 
offered me bribes of money, declaring that all should be 
mine if I would but recant. I briefly replied, I can not. 
He stood on board laboring with me until orders were 
given to loose her. He was all agitation, he clung to me 
and looked toward shore alternately. "Must I part with 
my brother?" said he. "O! my brother, I never knew that 
I loved you until now? you have got my heart, take it with 
you, farewell." I drew him near to me and kissed him 
through mutual tears, farewell, farewell, said I, "I've 
got a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." The 
captain's hoarse voice roared out, company off. One gen- 
eral rush followed from ship to shore, and some from shore 
to ship, and in a few minutes more our gallant old Whaler 
(the Calista,) was before the breeze. I looked steadily to- 
ward the shore, until I lost sight of it. There stood my poor 
weeping brother, with his face buried in his handkerchief. 
Among the crowd I recognised — — — and her mother, and 
several members of the church. I strained my eyes to catch 
a last glimpse at the land I loved, until distance dropped a 
curtain between us, on the 10th July, 1832, with 126 pas- 
sengers beside the ship's crew. 

"Yes, my native land, I love thee, 

All thy scenes, I love them well, 
Friends, companions, happy country, 

Can I bid you all farewell ? 
Can I leave thee ? 
Far in strangers' land to dwell ? 

"Home, thy joys are passing lovely, 

Joys no stranger heart can tell, 
Happy home! 'tis sure I love thee, 



310 



A UTO-BIOGR API1 Y . 



Can I — can I — say farewell ? 
Can I leave ihee ? 
Far instrangers' land to dwell ? 

**'Scenesof sacred peace and pleasure. 

Holy days and Sabbath bell, 
Jiichest, brightest, sweetest treasure. 

Can I say a last farewell? 
Can I leave you ? 
In America to dwell ? 

"Yes, I hasten from you gladly, 

From the scenes I loved so well, 
Faraway ye billows bear me; 

Lovely native land farewell. 
Pleased J leave thee, 
J a America 10 dwell,, 

i£ In America let me labor. 

On her mountains let me tell 
How He died — the Messed Saviour 

To redeem a world from hell, 
Let me hasten 
In America to dwell. 

"Bear me on, thou restless Ocean., 

. Let the winds my canvass swell; 
Heaves my heart with warm emotion, 
While I go far hence to dwell.; 
Glad I leave thee, 
Mative land, farewell, farewell. 

I now realised more conclusively that I had the necessi- 
ty of proving to, those around me that I was a Christian. I 
stood in the midst of an ungodly company, consisting of 
eighty Roman Catholics and six Jews, who were, as I had 
been, four infidel orators, who sided with the Jews against 
Jesus. The remainder was made up of Universalists and 
non-professors, except two good old soldiers of the cross, of 
the Methodist connexion, who were visiting America to see 
their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, in- 
tending to return to lay their bones on Britain's Isle. How 
horrible was the thought, that out of 126 or 130 passengers, 
beside the ship's crew, only two persons could be found who 
feared God, and they too on the brink of the grave! 

The horrible fact impressed my mind with greater dread 



AUTO-BIOGR APH Y. Ill 

after we had been out about four weeks, when all hands 
were expecting a speedy and safe landing on American soil, 
the God of waters spoke to us in a severe storm, which 
blew the ship out of her course, neiiher did the thunders of 
his wrath subside until we were completely dismasted near 
the coast of Newfoundland. I shall never forget with 
what strange gesticulations the sturdy crew attempted to 
perform duty, while the storm was raging. Jt commenced at 
night, when the ship was going ten knots an hour. The sky 
suddenly blackened over, the thunder roared loud, and one 
vivid flash of lightning shivered our main sheet to ribbons, 
and the main-top-sail-stay was snapped in two like a thread. 
When the storm subsided, the ocean was unruffled and 
calm. The ship was resting upon the bosom of the great 
deep, as though she was glad of a cessation of labor with 
the boisterous elements. All hands fell to work to "right 
the boat," and we were soon under weigh again for New 
York. My soul was stirred within me at the prospect of 
so many precious souls rushing upon the "thick bosses of 
Jehovah's buckler" unprepared, only to be driven back into 
the fire of his wrath. I determined to make a feeble effort 
to save them. I therefore, watched for an opportunity when 
the rough, swearing captain was in a good humor, and 
I asked his permission to allow me to call the passengers 
and crew together, that I might preach the gospel of Jesus 
to them. He swore an oath that he did not care what I did, 
provided I kept on my own part of the vessel. I accord- 
ingly placed a chair between the quarter and after decks, 
and standing upon it, my soul was stirred for the first time 
to attempt to preach. I selected Luke xm : 3; "Except ye 
repent ye shall all likewise perish." God knows that it was 
a feeble but sincere effort, and although it was the very 
first effort that I had made to preach Christ, yet it pleased 
the Lord to give me one sailor, and a happier convert I have 
never seen. This emboldened me so, that I have continued 
from that time to labor openly for the Lord. This exposed 



J 12 AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 

me to new trials. The Jews and Infidels who were on board 
equally hated my glorious Lord, so much so, that they made 
friends with each other in order to persecute me. I felt my- 
self to be in considerable danger of being thrown overboard, 
"but my God was my very present help in trouble." Thus, 
after a most tedious voyage of nine weeks, we arrived safe at 
the quarantine grounds near New York, early in September, 
just in time to witness the ravages of God's messenger, the 
Cholera. 

No sooner had I set my foot upon American soil, than my 
soul was filled with misgivings. Satan tempted me with 
fearful forebodings, ot the truth of my brother's prediction, 
viz : ''That 1 should beg my bread in America." I cast my 
eye over the foaming surge, and prayed for a passage back 
again to my own country, but knowing that there was no 
chance there for me, I submit? ed myself to my destiny, 
whether for prosperity or poverty. For a season it was a 
time of darkness with me. In New York city a perfect 
stranger, without a recommendation to any particular indi- 
vidual, with but a trifle of money in my possession, my 
spirits were too dejected to offer myself to the Baptists, to 
whom I had a letter from my Church in London, I resolved 
to "stand still and see the salvation of the Lord." 

In the midst of these difficulties, I was suddenly pros- 
trated by the Cholera, and for two weeks I laid m a filthy 
hovel, without a sympathising hand to help, or heart to pray 
with me, yet in all these trials my blessed Jesus never 
left me. He restored unto me the joys of his salvation, and 
for his sake I recovered, to speak forth the honor of his 
name abroad. On recovering, I ascertained that one of my 
boxes containing my most valuable things had been stolen. 
I submitted to the loss, for there was no redress for poor me. 
I felt now as if my afflictions were very great, although my 
blessed Lord had suffered more and greater. He sanctified 
all my distress to me, so that I was enable'd to rehearse my 
complaints in his ears. 



AUTO-BIOGRAPHY. 1 XS 

On the following Monday I was much distressed on ac- 
count of my stock of money being nearly exhausted, neither 
did I know how to get more. In this perplexity I flew to 
God, who directed me by strong inclination to go to Phila- 
delphia. Accordingly I communicated my desire to my 
landlord, who assisted me to the steam boat early next 
morning. This journey occupied the entire day, and late on 
Tuesday night, I stepped my foot on strange ground again: 
After paying five dollars for my passage, I had left about 58 
cents. I was accompanied by a porter to a lodging for the 
night, who charged me thirty-seven arid a half cents, leaving 
me twenty-one cents to comfort myself with, I had scarely; 
however, laid myself down ere I discovered from the confu- 
sion below stairs that the house to which I had been con- 
ducted was of suspicious character. This harrowed up my 
soul to its highest pitch. Every thing with me was now at 
stake, my boxes, my life and above all my reputation before 
men. This awoke me to a sense of prayer. I fell upon my 
knees and wept my complaints before God. Blessed be hi? 
name, he heard me and hew to my deliverance that night. 
In a moment I felt calm,- assured that God would not let me 
beg my bread. Very early in the morning I prepared to 
walk out, after I had paid the woman of the house twelve 
and a half cents for my lodging. With but nine remaining 
coppers I pushed forward, I knew not where ; God kneWj 
and the very first place that I stopped at to find employ, 
ment, I succeeded at the rate of $8 per week. Immediately 
I went into the shop to work at the fur and cap business; 
and by the help of God I did well. After I had continued 
here a week and finding that my prospect was good, mv 
mind became calm, so that I at once made myself known to 
the first Baptist Church on 2d street, with which I continued 
in full fellowship, enjoying the ministry of Wm. Brantly, 
D. D., of blessed memory. By that Church I was, in 1835, 
furnished with a letter certifying their approbation of my 
character and design, to prepare mvself by anpropriate 



114 AUTO-BTOGRAPHY. 

studies, to enter at a future day upon the solemn work of 
the Christian Ministry. All of which did my Master bring 
about and approve, so that I was fully licensed and regu- 
larly ordained to the sacred work of a Christian Minister* 
at Mount Pleasant, Westmoreland county, Pa., on the 18th 
of December, 1839. My council were, for the occasion, S. 
Seigfried, Moderator, James Estep, Milton Sutton and John 
Thomas. On behalf the Church, A. Shallenberger, and 
Jonathan Newmyer, Deacons. 

Thus far the Lord lias led me on, 
Thus far his power prolongs my days, 
And every evening shall make known, 
Some fresh memorial of his praise. 

In bringing these pages to a close, J have no doubt but 
that I have tired the reader, while leading him through the 
various meandering paths of my experience ; wherein I 
have endeavored to unfold faithfully, the leading provi- 
dences of the our great God in bringing me, a poor lost 
rebel, to the glorious light of the gospel of Jesus. Whether 
the reader gives credit to my story or not, there is one thing 
that 1 know, viz : "That whereas I was blind, now I see." 
And now, dear reader, consider well what course you are 
pursuing. If you are a Jew, beware, I beseech you, lest 
while you are despising Jesus of Nazareth, he may sum- 
mons you to his eternal bar, to show just cause why you 
crucified your King. You will then "look upon him whom 
you have pierced," Zech. xn : 10. "You will see his hands 
and his feet," Psa. xxii : 16. But you will wail for anguish 
of heart, for your destruction will then have come. O ! fly 
to your Shiloh, there alone you may have life. Are you a 
Gentile sinner ? Let me ask you, why do you reject the 
blessed Jesus? Has he not suffered, bled, groaned, and 
tasted death for you? What more can be done for 
you? How can you escape if you neglect so great salva- 
tion? Think, oh ! think, the day, the day, the dark and 
fiery day, the great clay of Revelation, it will burn as an 
oven, and you will be as stubble. Jesus, my Saviour, catch 



AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 115 

hold of this ungodly reader; hold him, Lord, or he will sink 
to Hell. 

"Stop, poor sinner, stop and think, 

Before you farther go, 

Ere you are aware you'll sink 

In everlasting wo. 
Hell, beneath, is gaping wide, 
Vengeance waits the dread command. 
Soon will stop your sport and pride, 

And sink you with the damned. 
Then be entreated now to stop, 
For unless you warning take, 
Ere you are aware, you'll drop 

Into the burning lake. 

Is the reader a child of Grace ? Then let us rejoice to- 
gether, for he hath torn and he hath healed us. Soon, very 
soon, we shall be revived in glory. Then we shall have 
no more horrible pit to fall into, for, even now, he has 
brought us up out of it. With our goings established and 
our feet upon a rock, let us travel on singing the new song, 
and looking unto Jesus. 

"Then cease ye pilgrim, cease to mourn. 

Press onwaid to the prize, 
Soon our Saviour will return, 

Triumphant in the skies. 
Yet a season and you'll know, 

Happy entrance will be given, 
All our sorrows left below, 

And earth exchanged for Heaven.** 



APPENDIX. 



Having expressed, in these pages, my sincere desire to 
preach the gospel of Christ, it may doubtless excite in many 
minds an inquiry as to whether I ever realised that desire. 
To the multitudes, however, residing in many States of this 
Union, as well as in Upper Canada, to whom I have 
preached the word of the living God constantly, during 
the last eighteen years, a query of another feature often 
arises, viz : in a desire to know when and where I was en- 
do cv r ed with authority to preach. In order that I may 
satisfy all inquiry upon this topic, especially those of an- 
other denomination, into whose pulpits I have frequent 
access, I offer for public reading my license to preach, and 
also my ordination certificate, printed from the original 
manuscripts, for the first time, expressly for this little book. 

J. A. D. 



LICENSE TO PREACH. 
The Regular Baptist Church of Christ, at Mount Pleasant 
Westmoreland county, Pennsylvania, 

TO ALL WHOM IT MAY CONCERN : 

Whereas, our esteemed brother Jonas Abraham Davis, 
formerly a member of the First Baptist Church in the City 
of Philadelphia, was by the said Church, in December, A. 
D. 1835, furnished with a letter certifying their approba- 
tion of his character and design to prepare himself by 
appropriate studies, "to enter at a future day upon ths 
solemn work of the Christian Ministry;" and, whereas, tha 



118 APPENDIX. 

said brother Davis has since united with us, and been 
encouraged to exercise his gifts in preaching the Gos- 
pel, and has given comfortable evidence of the pos- 
session of piety, character and talents fitting him, in a 
good degree, to enter more fully into the work of a Gospel 
Minister: 

We hereby certify that the aforesaid brother, Jonas Abra- 
ham Davis, has received from us a full license to go forth 
as a Minister of the Gospel, of the Regular Baptist De- 
nomination, to preach the word of eternal life, wherever 
God in his providence may call him ; and we commend him 
to the fellowship of the brethren, and to the confidence and 
esteem of all among whom he may labor or travel in the 
Master's service. Our prayer is that he may become an 
able Minister of the New Testament, and be blessed as an 
instrument in the building up of believers in their most 
holy faith, and in turning many to righteousness. 

Voted, at our stated meeting for business, May 11th, A. 
D., 1839. 

SIMEON SIEGFRIED, Pastor. 

Attest, 

A. Shallenbergee, I Deamm _ 

J ON A. NEWMYJIR, ) 



CERTIFICATE OF ORDINATION. 
This is to certify, that at the request of, and in connec- 
tion with, the Regular Baptist Church of Jesus Christ, at 
Mount Pleasant, Westmoreland county, Pennsylvania, on 
the eighteenth day of December, A. D., eighteen hundred 
and thirty-nine, the bearer hereof, Jonas Abraham Davis, 
was by us, regularly ordained and set apart to the office of 
a Gospel Minister, of the Regular Baptist Denomination ; 
and we do, hereby, recommend him as a regular, sound and 
faithful Minister of the Gospel, to the attention, fellowship, 
and Christian love of all the Churches of our denomina- 



APPENDIX. 119 

tion in particular ; to the notice and respect of all Ministers 
and other Christians of other denominations; and to the 
respectful acceptance of mankind in general; hoping that 
he will be kindly received, and blessed by God in his labors, 
wherever, in Divine Providence, his lot may be cast. 
Given under our hands, the date aforesaid. 

S. SIEGFRIED, Moderator. 
JAMES ESTEP, ) 
MILTON SUTTON, } Council. 
JOHN THOMAS, ) 
On behalf of the Church, 

A. SHALLENBERGER, 
JONA. NEWMYER, 



Deacons, 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




0 014 239 700 6 m 



